Sunday, July 5, 2015


Alhamdulillah, today marks the 31st year of my life. 

And it falls in Ramadan Kareem - the best time of the year! I hope everyone is having a great Ramadan experience and may Allah swt accept our ibadah for Him. Allahumma Ameen. 

31 years old. Wow. 

I was just talking to my masjid buddies - Intan and Lisa - about our age. 

I asked how old they were. They answered, "21". 
Ya Allah, mudanyaaa.. I can't remember how I was when I was 21. 
We are 10 years apart, man! 

I feel old. 

Then I thought, yes, you are older now, Anis. You will face this every year, if Allah wills. 

You can't run away from getting older. Allah does not leave you with a choice to grow old or not to grow old. You WILL definitely grow old whether you like it or not. 

But Allah does give you another choice as you grow old - Your maturity.

How much have you grown, in your mindset, thinking ability, reflections. How much have you grown in looking at things around you. 

How much have you grown in your relationship with the people around you? 

How much have you grown in your relationship with Him? 

I realized that in order to tackle the previous questions I posted to myself, I must look into the last question, which happens to be the most important question - my relationship with Allah. 

Because I know once I get that right, Allah will change my mindset, my thinking ability, the way I reflect, the way I look at things around me. 

Alhamdulillah, these past years have been a wonderful journey in my life. 

Allah reached out to me, and gave me a point of realization a few years back to be a good servant of His. It happened in Mufti Menk's first ever talk that I attended. May Allah bless Mufti Menk and preserve him. Allahumma Ameen. 

I started doing the things that are pleasing to Him. 
I started to talk, confide, beg more from Him. I started to learn about His book. 
I started a relationship with the One who is the Most Loving, the Most Caring. 

But as years go by, having only a relationship is not enough. 

I realize that once you genuinely wants to be closer to Allah, He will put a higher benchmark for you in your relationship with Him. He wants to grow that relationship. Allahuakbar. 

He teaches you the things you've never heard of. The ilm (knowledge) that He showers upon you to strengthen your relationship with Him. He brings you to places of goodness and He brings into your life, people who are genuinely kind and whom you can benefit from. 

He teaches you to trust Him. To rely on Him. To ask from Him. 

And Him only. 

Then He will test you. 

This is a personal experience that I had, of how Allah tested me in trusting him, in relying upon Him and asking from Him.

Many months ago - I think almost a year - I was driving to work in the morning. 

Out of a sudden, I was hit by a motorcycle from the back. I stopped my car at the roadside, and went to see the guy. My car's bumper was scratched quite badly, and his motorcycle was worst. He had minor injuries on his hands and legs. He looked shocked by the accident, stayed quiet. 

I asked him, how do we go about this? 

He said, "Gaji tak masuk lagi ni nak bayar. Kalau akak tunggu hujung bulan ni, nanti saya bank-in ke dalam akaun akak." 

I said, "Kita claim insurance je la dik. Tapi kena buat report polis dulu. Tapi... nanti kamu kena saman RM300 tau." 

He kept quiet. 

I continued, "Macam ni, bagi no phone adik, nanti saya call untuk settlekan hal workshop ni bila kamu dah dapat gaji." 

He said, "Phone saya pecah ni kak. Saya tak ingat nombor telefon saya."

At that time I was like... what? How can you not remember your own phone number? Is he trying to get away or something? 

Then I remembered The Prophet s.a.w's advice: Be merciful to others so that Allah has mercy on you. 

I said, "Takpe la adik. Kita tak payah buat report polis. Ni nombor telefon saya, nanti dah dapat gaji, call saya." Then I went away. 

Somehow I knew he wasn't going to call me to fix my car. 

Allah gave me the strength to forgive him. Allah knows what trouble he was going through. He might come from a poor family, he might have family to take care of and many more came to my mind. I let him go, hoping that the mercy of Allah descends upon me. 

And as for the scratch, I'll fix it when I have the time and money. Allah is the One who provides for me, anyway. So I know I'll be okay. 

About 2 weeks later, I was on my way to go home from work. 

Then, a lady's car hit my car from behind. 
I calmly went out and see the aunt who was driving. I asked if she was okay, and saw my car's bumper. It was quite severe. 

Alhamdulillah, that aunty was super kind and amazing. Her name is Aunty Pang. 

She quickly brought me to a workshop to fix my car. 

And guess what, the scratch that I got from the accident with the motorcycle was still there. 

And now, since the aunty had crashed the bumper, the whole bumper had to be replaced with a new one. My car looked brand new. 


This incident really had an impact on me. 

It was my personal experience of Allah's mercy. And what He can do for you if you do things for His sake. The things He does for you when you put your full trust in Him, rely upon Him and ask only from Him, really cannot be understood by the mind. It can only be understood by the heart. 

Alhamdulillah, today marks the 31st year of my life. 

And as I grow in life, I pray that Allah helps me grow in my relationship with Him. I pray that He helps me to become matured in "seeing" Him, His attributes, His generosity, His kindness, His love, His mercy, His appreciation, His everything. Allahumma Ameen. 

Jazakallahu khairan for everyone who makes du'a for me, genuinely loves me and cares for me.

May Allah swt continue His blessings upon us, constantly guide us, and help us in growing our relationship with Him. May He swt help us in striving to have a matured relationship with Him until the day He takes us back to Him. And may He place a great love for Him in our hearts. 

Allahumma Ameen.  

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Aku Diingatkan

Aku diingatkan. 

Betapa besarnya rahmat Yang Esa yang memberikan aku tempat tidur yang sangat selesa. 

Betapa ramai orang yang tidur di bawah jambatan, di tepi jalan. Yang tidur beralaskan kotak buruk. Yang sesetengah itu tidak beralaskan apa-apa pun. 

Apa lebih dan kurangnya aku dengan mereka. Sesungguhnya tiada. Tetapi rahmat Allah amat besar dan Dia menguji hambaNya dengan kesusahan dan kesenangan. 

Katil yang empuk tidak semestinya membawa hamba dekat dengan Pencipta. Kadang-kadang ianya melekakan. 

Kadang-kadang alas kotak kotor yang mensucikan hamba daripada dosa-dosa. Yang menyucikan hati walaupun luarannya dipandang hina. 

Aku diingatkan.

Agar berwaspada dalam apa jua keadaan. Kerana susah dan senang adalah ujian Ilahi. Ujian untuk menguji hati ini.

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Anis & Azy

Life is a journey.

As we go along this journey, we meet so many wonderful people. They are our happiness, sadness, hope, blessings. They are everything that life has to teach us.

And at one point, they need to say goodbye. Because everyone has got their own story that has been written for them. No matter how close one gets to someone, one day, something will set them apart.

It is sad. In fact it is very sad. Sometimes it becomes unbearable.

But just before you break down, remind yourself that this life is a journey. You need to move on. Remind yourself that the people around you are gifts from the One who loves you so much, who wants to help you in this journey. As He is the Owner of these gifts, He can give these gifts and take them back whenever He sees fit. Although you can't comprehend it, you believe it without doubt, that He does it because He loves you. And more importantly, He wants you to see, when everyone you love has to say goodbye to you and move on with their lives, He never leaves you. He has always been there, He is there and He will always be there with you, and for you. It is to teach you to attach your heart to Him alone, not anyone else.

So yes. Setting you apart from your loved ones, is a blessing from Allah. It teaches you that your strength comes from Him and Him alone. So no matter what happens, no matter who leaves you, you will still be strong because you have Him. Allah.

This life is a journey, and your destination is Allah. It is not an easy journey, but Allah is always on you side, no matter what. You are never alone. Alhamdulillah.

One of my best friends in the world (and akhirah, insyaAllah), Azy has gone back to Penang after staying in KL for a few years. For good. Alhamdulillah (all praises to Allah) I am so happy for her that finally, she gets what she wants - to stay with her family.

Although I am sad that we have to say our goodbyes, I never lose hope in asking Allah to make us BFF and neighbours in Jannah. So that we will never have to say goodbye again.

Jazakallahu Khairan, yang for being the best in everything. Please forgive me for all my shortcomings. Aku mintak halal makan minum aku dengan hang...

May Allah SWT continue to bless you with Iman, taqwa and happiness in life and the akhirah.
May He reward you for all the goodness that you have done since we became BFF because it is indeed uncountable.
Allahumma Ameen.

I am so going to miss our random cerita rakyat and jokes.
I am so going to miss you. And I love you for the sake of Allah 

And these were our unforgettable moments. They make me laugh and cry at the same time. Our amazing conversations and Maharaja Lawak Mega lines. 
Masa ni kami dok duduk Shah Alam lagi and selalu kena mengadap traffic jam masa pi kerja. 
So we did a lot of fun and silly stuff just to kill time. 

Azy: Anis, ni apa? 
Aku: Allah.... burung! 
Azy: Aparah. DUIT LA! 

Alhamdulillah aku berjaya menahan diri daripada membelasah Azy pada pagi tersebut. 
Perbualan aku dan Azy masa dok tgk dia main Farm Ville. 
Aku: tudia babi semua hang bela?! Jenoh hari-hari kena samak. Agak-agak la nak kaya pun. 
Azy: ni bukan ladang aku! 
Aku: habih tu hang dok pi mengacau ladang orang pasaipa?! 
Azy: aku mau ayaq (air)! 

Becakap ni macam ada ladang betoi2 ni. 
Haila bangsa merapu. 

Ni masa kat surau Kelana Square, masa tu aku keja kat Naga DDB lagi. 
So almost every Friday, Azy will come to my office and ikut aku balik Shah Alam. Macam weekend husband dah Azy ni. #Apakah 
So gambaq ni dia tangkap dalam surau kat building tu.

Tengok, betapa sayang dan concern nya dia kat aku. Nak pi PD macam nak p Haji punya pesan macam-macam. 

And we always watch drama Melayu sama-sama. Aku akan jadi perosak kepada semua drama Melayu dengan cerita-cerita tambahan aku. 
Azy nanti kata, tengok drama dengan hang, cerita ayaq mata boleh jadi cerita lawak. 

Haaa.. lepaih tu dia nanti buat la cerita, dia kena tawaq belakon jadi watak utama la apa la. 
Hari tu aku, dia and Ijah dok tengok Ombak Rindu sebab kami takdak kerja sangat-sangat dah. Ada scene Maya Karin belai-belai kucing and suddenly Azy cakap, "Aku hari tu ada la depa tawaq nak belakon jadi watak Maya Karin ni, tapi sebab ada scene pegang kucing ni, aku tolak la. Aku geli kucing." 

Aku pun mengganguk melayan dia. 

Lepaih tu aku pulak sambung, "Bila dia ni (Maya Karin) nak jadi pontianak?" 
Tudia pi campoq teruih cerita Ombak Rindu dengan Pontianak Harum Sundal Malam.

And since we are like sisters already, we go back to each other's parents' quite often. 
Ni masa dia ikut aku balik Penjara Tapah. 
And yes, kami betoi punya tengok badminton sampai sofa patah! Punya bising masa game tu sekali "Prakkk!" (i think that's how it sounded like). Tersengap teruih semua orang. Ayah pun dengan pantas pi pebetoi la tu jugak. Efficient Sarjan Hashim ni. 

Kami selalu jugak buat roadtrip balik ke Penang. Best woo.. tapi ada satu ketika ni, Azy dok buat nak KARAOKE DALAM KETA AKU! SEPANJANG JALAN. 
Lagu yang aku "suka" pulak tu. Siap print lirik, okay! 

Ha tengok. Dia dok practice dh. Risau aku. 

And then tengok nak hantaq aku kat mana. Tak sedaq diri AKU yang bawak keta.

Then we love to cook together. Sedap ka dak, hantam sajalah. Azy is such an efficient sous chef. Aku dok guna lagi pinggan, dia rabut dah nak pi basuh. Punya sampai lagu tu. 

And ada jugak musim kami ada imaginary boyfriend(s).

(p/s: aku tak suka pun mamat ni. Azy menabur fitnah ke atas aku) 

Ni AKU sendiri lupa kami dok merapu pasai apa. 

....and many many many other conversations merapu kami yang I treasure so so much. Alhamdulillah that I recorded these in my Facebook. Because these really bring happiness to me, especially now. I value these memories so much. Alhamdulillah. 

So I want to share with you guys, our randomness and kemerapuan-ness:

Actually Azy had moved back to Penang before, after living in KL for a few years. Then she came back to KL in November 2013. These posts were on Azy moving back to Penang for the first time:

(Okay, sampai lani cita-cita ni tak tercapai lagi.)

I cried when I read this. 

Sedih sangat. Sunyi sangat.

Between Azy and I, I am more expressive than her. Tengok la birthday wishes aku yang amat jiwang:

However, eventhough Azy doesn't express her emotion and her soft spot but when she does, it's like an arrow that goes straight to your heart. This one went straight to mine:

Even though you are not with me all the time anymore, I always carry you in my heart, too, yang. 
I miss you everyday.

May Allah SWT bless you always.