Aku dan Motosikal

Assalamualaikum!
I know. I'm a bad blogger. I don't update my blog frequently. I'm a blog criminal.

Aku ni jenis yang kena ada mambang kalau nak menulis ni. kalau mambang tak datang, takdak idea and mood nak tulis apapun. susah.

So anyway, this time I wanna talk about my experience riding motorcycle.
I got my motorcycle when I was doing my degree. Masa tula nak ambik lesen moto.... So pengalaman pertama aku ialah mengambil lesen moto.

1. Mendapatkan Lesen
Masa test JPJ, untuk moto nanti kena buat test TITI aka Jambatan. It's to make sure that you can balance la basically. So when you go on this titi, it has to last for about, for example, 30 seconds (can't remember exactly how long). so masa nak test JPJ di suatu pagi yang hening, aku terasa macam nak tunjuk terrer kat abang JPJ yang bercermin mata hitam walaupun matahari tak muncul lagi. so bila time titi, aku try balance for as long as i can. pastu jatuh!!! ha padan la muka. nak tunjuk terrer sangat. dah kena ambil test lagi sekali. so moralnya kalau tak terrer tu jangan belagak terrer.

2. Kejadian di Esso
Aku selalu isi minyak sebelum pegi keja. So di suatu pagi yang indah ni, aku pegi la Esso dekat dengan rumah mak cik aku kat seksyen 18 tu.. pegi2, aku park la moto aku kat pam no. 8. aku turun moto, dan berjalan dengan hebatnya ke cashier.

"Bang, pam no. 8, 3 ringgit."
"Ok adik manis." (dia tak sebut pun adik manis. saja nak tambah bagi cerita panjang)

Aku pun berjalan balik menuju ke moto. Aku naik moto, start enjin, vroommmmm blah dari Esso.

Tengah bawak moto, aku pelik kenapa la meter minyak ni tak naik-naik.
Bila diingat balik, aku lupa nak isi minyak!! Ya Rabbi.. awat la aku ni.. tak pasal-pasal buat amal jariah sedekah semua kat Esso yang dah kaya raya tuh... aduh.. terpaksa la berhenti kat next petrol station isi minyak 3 ringgit...
Sendiri cari pasai macam ni la.

3. Kejadian di Petronas
There was this one day, my car was in the workshop for a few days. so i borrowed my friend's motorcycle to go to work. and the thing about his motorcycle is, susah nak start enjin.
Sebab that thing (not sure what it's called) yang nak start enjin moto dia tu keras gila. bagi wanita yang lembut alal-ala jessica alba ni, agak susah la nak start moto dia ni... so bila dh dapat start enjin moto dia ni kira lega la.

So like usual, aku nak isi minyak before going to work. So I went to Petronas, parked my moto at the pam and isi minyak la (kali ni ingat nak isi).

Masalahnya, nak start balik moto ni. Dah la ada sorang mamat (yang boleh tahan handsome) dok tunggu giliran nak isi minyak lepas aku ni.

So aku pun dengan control ayu dan cunnya nak naik la atas moto balik...
Tup! kasut aku terpelanting masa nak naik moto!! aku macam nak jerit ja kat kasut aku "MASA NI LA HANG NAK TERPELANTING LA, TERSEMBAM LA, TERSENGET LA. MASA TAKDAK SAPA HANG DOK ELOK JA NA?!!!"
Tapi aku berjaya mengawal perasaan.

Lepas dah kutip kasut cabuk aku tu dan pakai balik, aku pun naik la moto. pastu aku mula la start enjin moto.
Tendang punya tendang punya tendang punya tendang, tak start2 enjin. adoi... malunya. cepatla...

Tendang lagi punya tendang lagi punya tendang lagi punya tendang lagi, tak boleh jugak. Ok aku give up.

I looked at that guy, "Boleh tolong start tak?"
"Boleh.." he answered, coming towards me.
Aku turun dari moto.

Lepas tu aku nampak tangan mamat ni mencapai kunci moto..... Lalu pusing "start".
*&^$^#@%&@&%$(^$%&(*&%@$@!^!!!!!

4. Smart Tunnel
When i was in the beginning of doing my internship at Spencer Azizul, i didn't know my way in KL. Not familiar at all. so on my first day of internship, i didn't know how to get back home. So i asked Hairil for direction. So dia pun bercerita dan aku dengan confidennya kata "OK, AKU PAHAM!"

And of course, i got lost! then i tried to be calm and searched for Petaling Jaya/Shah Alam signs. What's so hard,right? I just have to follow the sign board. I'll find my way.

Ikut punya ikut, sampai la kat satu junction ni. So aku belok kanan, and tiba-tiba termasuk dalam satu lorong. Di sinilah aku bertemu dengan lorong yang bernama Smart Tunnel...

Mula-mula tu rasa mcm cool gila Smart Tunnel ni. Lepas dekat 15 minit bawak moto dalam tu, aku terpikir "Mana jalan kuar ni?" dah mula rasa cuak.

Lepas tu, baru nampak. bila kuar tu, aku nampak toll.

'Aik, mana lorong moto?' bisik hati ini.
Aku pegi kat akak yang jaga toll tu, aku tanya "Akak, moto kena baya ke?"

Akak tu senyum, "Adik kuar kat situ." She was pointing at a jalan kecik. so i just followed.

Kuar-kuar tu, ada 4 pegawai Smart Tunnel tahan aku.

"Adik, apa adik buat dalam Smart Tunnel tu?" one of them said. pakai sunglasses jugak. boleh geng dengan abang JPJ.

Dalam hati, 'ekele abang ni.. mesti la aku bawak moto.. takkan buat karipap pusing kot.'

"Bawak moto encik. Kenapa encik?"

"Tak tau ke moto tak boleh masuk Smart Tunnel? Bahaya tau tak? Kalau apa-apa jadi kat awak dalam tu siapapun tak dapat tolong awak, tau? Siapapun tak tau apa jadi kat awak."

"Encik, saya tak tau yang moto tak boleh masuk Smart Tunnel... serious saya tak tau. saya baru lagi kat KL ni encik. saya tak tau jalan. so tadi saya TERmasuk Smart Tunnel ni.."

"Ni tinggal di mana ni?"

"Shah Alam."

"Jauh tu. Habis tu ni ade sesape boleh datang amik moto tak? Ni nak kena pegi jail ni."

Sebaik saja aku dengar jail, aku rasa jantung aku terhenti seketika, kepala lutut semua ketaq, kepala pun ketaq kali. lepas tu aku terus menangis!

Ya Allah aku buat apa sampai kena masuk jail ni?? Kalau aku masuk, lepak-lepak, buat karipap pusing, kopi hang tuah apa semua dalam Smart Tunnel tuh, mungkin aku paham kenapa aku harus dipenjara. ni tak sengaja kot masuk. Kalau aku tau tak boleh masuk, aku takde la gagah nak masuk jugak. apa diaorang ni tak leh pikir ke? isk bengang pulak aku....

bila diaorang tengok aku nangis, baru nak cuak. "Eh, adik.. jangan nangis... kami just nak bagi adik ingat jangan masuk Smart Tunnel dah.. bahaya tau."

i nodded. Ha kan senang kalau cakap macam tu je dari mula tadi. yang nak bawak sampai ke jail la hapa la pasaipa??? kalau kata penjara tak pa jugak. boleh mintak masuk penjara Tapah, ibu aku jaga aku.

anyway, aku pun dengan terketaq-ketaq satu badan berjuang balik ke shah alam setelah dilepaskan oleh pegawai-pegawai Smart Tunnel...

Sampai mati aku ingat yang MOTOSIKAL DILARANG SAMA SEKALI MASUK SMART TUNNEL.

So itulah pengalaman aku dengan moto aku yang tak dapat dilupakan...
I enjoyed riding motorcycle and actually missing it.

Motorcycle rocks!

Tok Ayah

This time I wanna talk about my tok ayah. Tok ayah is very entertaining. He loves to tell stories back when he was young. He has been through a lot. He is my hero :)

Kalau bersembang dengan dia, sampai esok pagi pun tak habis. It can start from you asking how he was doing. Contoh:

"Tok ayah apa khabaq? Sihat?"

"Anis ka? Ha, alhamdulillah la. Sihat. Anis sibuk ka lani?"

"Sibuk sikit tok ayah. Mintak maaf anis lama tak mai tengok tok ayah.."

"Tak pa la kalau sibuk. Anis dok keja kat company tu lagi ka?"

"Ya, tok ayah. keja kat situ lagi."

"Bapak tok ayah dulu ada business jugak. Tok ayah dok tolong dia meniaga dulu sebelum war.."

This is where it starts to be soooo looooogggg.... Tok ayah ibarat my personal history teacher.
Semua la dia crita kat aku. Dari dia kecik, pegi Siam, cakap Siam, British mai Malaya, Melayu kena tipu dengan British, Cina kena tipu dengan India, dia kena tipu dengan customer, his dad died, dia kawen dengan mak tok etc. And then setiap 5 minit nanti make sure that I am listening. "Anis?"

Aku pun menyahut la, "YA, NI DOK DENGAQ NI..."

Sambung cerita balik, "bla bla bla.. Siam.. bla bla bla... British...bla bla bla...anak haram (dia marah la ni)... bla bla bla...Melayu...bla bla bla.. Cina... bla bla bla.. India.."

Another 5 minutes, "Anis?

Sabar je la.

When he was still strong and working, he would, of course buy his own stuff. Now since he's old and tak larat, I would be his personal shopper.

"Hanis nanti tolong beli barang kat tok ayah."
Yes, the common line I always, always get when I go visit him.

Tok ayah's shopping list:
1. TISSUE GULUNG (toilet rolls) yang RM7 punya, boleh dapat 2 rolls.

2. COTTON BUDS
He loves cotton buds. Suka korek telinga, and then buang merata-rata.
Mak tok used to be so mad at him for doing that. Aku la jadi mangsa kena kutip cotton buds. Kalau boleh jual kati dah lama aku kaya.

3. SABUN MANDI
Tok ayah hanya layan LUX sahaja. Brand cap ayam tak main la. But then he said Lux made his skin dry (yeah, after 40 years of using it now only he realised). So he wanted to try other brands. So I bought Dove for him. He has been using it ever since :)

4. BRYLCREAM
He has been using Brylcream since as long as i can remember. Patutnya dia
yang jadi brand ambassador. He would explain it to me which one to get. "Anis beli yang kaler merah tau. Tak mau yang jenih lain. Beli yang besaq punya 2." Aku, "BAIKLAH TOK AYAH!" (aku bukan kurang ajar, tapi memang kena cakap kuat-kuat. Tok ayah dah tak brapa dengar skarang)

5. POWDER a.k.a BEDAK WANGI
Dulu masa arwah mak tok ada, and we were all back in Penang, tok ayah suka beli bedak gatai. You know, those kind of bedak yang you put when you have rash or something. I don't know why, but he kept buying that bedak, although no one in the house ada rash ke, gatai kat mana-mana ka. I don't know why. So now he has stopped buying it and started to get me to buy bedak wangi.
Tok ayah: Anis beli bedak wangi kat tok ayah tau. Yang Anis beli hari tu punya untuk baby. Tok ayah tak mau yang tu.
Aku: Ok tok ayah. Anis beli Enchanteur la kat tok ayah. Yang macam mak tok dok pakai dulu tu.
Tok Ayah: Tu bangsa apa tu?
Aku: Tu bangsa baguih punya tok ayah. Luaq negara punya.
Tok Ayah: Jantan punya ka pompuan punya.
Aku: (Dalam hati nak kata pondan. Tapi tak sampai hati) Jantan pon boleh, pompuan pon boleh, tok ayah. Dua-dua boleh pakai.
Lepas tu tok ayah diam. Diam tanda setuju ataupun redha je la..

6. MINYAK CAP KAPAK BOTOL PALING BESAR 2
Minyak Cap Kapak dengan tok ayah ibarat isi dan kuku. Tengok Minyak Cap Kapak, teringat kat tok ayah. Tengok tok ayah, teringat kat Minyak Cap Kapak. Aku rasa antara Minyak Cap Kapak dengan aku, tok ayah lebih kamcing dengan Minyak Cap Kapak. Begitu hebatnya penangan Minyak Cap Kapak..

So begitulah kisahnya tok ayah aku... there's a lot more to tell about him. Maybe I'll write it down in a different post :p

Thanks tok ayah for taking care of me, and loving me.
Anis sayang tok ayah :)

Mak Tok

Mak tok was the funniest woman I had ever known and loved in my life. Every now and then, I would sit down and think of the funny memories, happiness, joy and love she had given me. And how wonderful a person she was and will always be.

Memory #1: Marah kalau aku mandi sebelum sapu rumah dengan ugutan nak pulas telinga aku sampai putus.
She used to be SUPER mad at me if I took a bath BEFORE sweeping the floor. For me, (and I'm sure for most of you out there as well) I was like "What's the big deal?"
But it was for her. Oh yes it is.

Aku baru melangkah masuk pancoq (bilik air daa) when I heard she said, "Amboi awat yang nak p mandi dulu? Sapu rumah tak, apa tak, nak p mandi dah?!"

Aku meramas-ramas muka (konon stress gila la) "La... mak tok, apa salahnya mandi dulu? Apa salahnya? Bukannya nak p keja contract pun lepaih mandi ni.. sapu rumah ja pun...huhu."

"Jangan dok menjawab mai kat sini. P ambik penyapu, sapu rumah, sapu keliling rumah skali."

"Rumah Mak Aji, rumah Mak Nah, rumah Tok Mami, rumah Mak Cik Lijah suma tak payah sapu jugak ka?" Aku dengan selamba dan tak takot telinga putusnya menjawab.

"Toksah dok buat loyaq buruk sini na."

Lalu aku pun mencapai penyapu dan menyapu dengan gagahnya...

Memory #2: Suka tengok drama Melayu pastu paksa aku tengok sama.
She loved Malay dramaaa... couldn't live a day without watching it. Especially Yusof Haslam punya drama.
She watched it dengan penuh penghayatan. Aku rasa pelakon yang tu pn tak menghayati mcm dia.

When it comes to the bad guys, she would be SUPER mad and said, "Dia ni mau ambik penyapu, penyapu tu celup dalam ayaq acaq, mau libaih tang muka tu. Baru padan dengan muka."

Aku ternganga. Uish marah betoi mak tok. Tapi banyak betoi steps sebelum nak libas muka orang jahat tuh.
1. Kena cari penyapu.
2. Kena cari ayaq acaq. Mana plak nak cari ayaq acaq?
3. Kena celup penyapu dalam ayaq acaq. Geli aih.
4. Kena usung pulak penyapu ayaq acaq apa suma tu, bawak p kat orang jahat tu balik. Dah la celup dalam ayaq acaq dah cukup geli. Ni nak kena usung pulak. Libas pulak tu. Mesti merecik terkena muka kita punya.

Hurm.. toksah la senang. Maafkan aja la orang jahat tu.

Memory #3: Bersiap-siap nak pi marhaban.
She used to be in PERKIM and went to a lot of marhaban invitations. So every time she got a marhaban invitation, she would prepare what she was going to wear the night before. Usually she would ask for my help to get her baju kurung.

"Anja, p naik ambik baju ijau mak tok kat ataih." (She slept downstairs sebab senang nak pegi toilet and begadoh manja dengan tok ayah)

"Ok," aku pun naik dengan pantas dan tuntas. Selang beberapa minit, aku bawak turun baju ijau dia.

"Bukan yang ni.. ni kuning."

"Huh?" aku bukak mata besaq2 and tengok balik baju tu. "Ni ijau la mak tok."

"Bukan.. ni kuning.. mak tok mau yang ijau tu.."

"Ni bukan kuning mahupun yellow la mak tok ku sayang... Tak pecaya tanya tok ayah."

"Tok ayah hang nanti nampak ungu teruih. Dah2 p amik yang ijau tu."

Since then I figured out that her eyes were no longer clear enough to differentiate colours. And I was sad.

Anyway, the next day, she was the first one to be ready to go. Kawan-kawan yang usually pegi marhaban dengan dia selalu tension sebab dia SANGAT punctual, and sebab she would breathe down their neck.

For instance, she had a friend named Tok Teh who lived just behind our house.

She would go out to Tok Teh's house and asked loudly, "Tok Teh oi... ni semua orang dh siap dh ni.. cheq (that means "you") dok buat apa? Dok bubuh bulu mata ka Tok Teh oi?"

And Tok Teh answered, "Tak aih dok pakai rambut tumpang."

Yeah. So that was my mak tok. Funny. Loving. Cute. Adorable. Unforgettable.
What's not to love?

I miss you, mak tok. Everytime I think of you, I hug you in my heart.
Al-Fatihah.

FIRST MOVE

Aku terpikir, kenapa susah sangat lelaki nak make the first move? Dari gaya tu, nampak macam berminat, tp last-last hang tengok aku, aku tengok hang.
Tengok ja ada dapat apa ka? Ada dapat no telefon aku dr sekadar TENGOK sahaja?

Macam the other day, I went to Ministry of Health for a meeting.
Right after the meeting, I was on my way back to the so-called "parking lot". Well, more of "kalau-hang-tak-drive-berhati-hati-keta-hang-tersangkut-kat-gaung" lot. Yeah... Anyway, I was walking and talking to Ida (my housemate) and I saw this one cute guy outside one of the buildings. He was CUTE and smoking (urgh. this one is not so cute but we can coutim this later. haha).

I looked at him and he looked at me. Dari sepasang mata ke sepasang mata la ni.. tapi tak sempat jatuh ke hati lagi.
So I walked passed him. This time I didn't look because first I didn't wanna look desperate and second, because ada curam and aku tak nak tertomoih kat depan mamat tuh.

So bila dh jauh sikit, I looked back, and saw that him checking me out too! So aku cover, aku tgk depan balik. Selang beberapa minit, I looked back again. And saw him checking me out AGAIN!

And it ended there.
No "Can I have your number?" or "What's your name" or "Hi cik adik" or "Assalamualaikum".
NADA. NOTHING. ZERO.

So yeah. Why is it so hard to make the first move? Aku ke kena make the first move? No, it doesn't seem right. It's not me. And that guy wasn't Jake or Iker for me to make the first move. No.

So when I got into my Kenderaan Pendek, I called Ijah and told her the whole thing.
She said, "Hang sepatutnya buat-buat tersadung, lepas tu melatah "012581XXXX!!" SUBTLE, isn't it?

Kesimpulannya, kepada jejaka-jejake yang SINGLE, NON-SMOKING, SOLAT TAK TINGGAI POSA, POSA SUNAT, POSA NAZAR, SEGALA POSA, TAAT IBU BAPA, JAGA ADIK-BERADIK, SMART, BAIK HATI, SEDAP MATA MEMANDANG, ADA SENSE OF HUMOR, AND AVAILABLE, kalau dah rasa bekenan tu jangan la takot nak make the first move na.

Sekian.

nervous

gosh i took me 10 times to start my first sentence!
ok... so now i have a blog... now what?

what do bloggers do, actually? actually i've never read (well, not never. that'd be a lie)... RARELY read blogs. because i hate reading. so what do bloggers do?

ok, possible stuff that bloggers do:
1. eat
2. sleep
3. bath
4. mengadap laptop or pc dan sewaktu dengannya
5. hang out with friends
6. watch jake gyllenhaal's movies
7. recently fell in love with iker casillas
8. missing the world cup and can't wait for another 4 years.

hey that's easy. i am, like, fulfill all criteria! awesome!
can't wait to start my life as a not-very-active blogger! :D

see ya in my next post!