I CAN'T BRAKE

It was 8am in the morning, and I was on my way with 6 other colleagues, to do an outdoor activity in Chiang Mai. I was so excited and couldn't wait to do it since my usual "outdoor activity" back home are stuff like walking to the car, walking out from the car and into the office, or.... oh yes! going to pasar malam. But this, this could be the wildest thing I was gonna do so far.

After one an a half hours of journey, we reached there. A sign board reads "JUNGLE FLIGHT". Yes, for someone who is scared (the shit) of heights, it was a crazy idea. But then I thought - Why not? I wanted to remember this trip so let's do something craaaaaazy!

So after they put the necessary equipment on us, we headed to the jungle.
My colleagues looked all pro in their outdoor gear - khaki shorts, sports shoes. I looked at myself - jeans, flip flops. I repeat, FLIP FLOPS. They looked at me, then my flip flops, giving me a weird look. I nonchalantly said to them, "This is how the locals do it."

After a few minutes of walking into the woods, we arrived at the first station.

OH....MY.....GOD
We were standing on a wooden platform, probably about 30 - 40 meters above the ground. I saw the cable connected to the next platform, about 30 meters long. Then I made the biggest mistake. Yes, I looked down! I tried to keep calm, since everybody else was. Smile, Anis...Smile. Look cool. You need to show them how the locals do it!
"Ok, my name is Char. I will be your guide today, with someone-whose-name-i-forgot-so-lets-call-him Kevin. Today, we going to do Plan A, where there are 22 flight stations and 2 free drops..."

Whhhh...whhhhaaa....whhhhhaaatttt??!
22 STATIONS?!! AND WHAT THE HELL IS THAT 2 FREE DROPS?! IT SOUNDS SUICIDAL! OMG I'M GONNA DIE IN THAILAND!

Then he continued briefing us, "This bamboo stick for brakes, in case you go fast. We tell you 'break!', then you break. Hook it to the cable."
Ok sounded manageable.

"Okay, you go first," Char said, looking at one of my colleagues.
My jaw dropped seeing her fly across the platforms. My legs were shaking so much I could've brought down the entire platform with me. I couldn't do this. I really couldn't! I didn't know what I was thinking!

Then Char looked at me, and said something that sounded like a death sentence "Your turn."

Gulp.
I turned to my colleagues.
"You can do this, Hanis! You can do this! Don't be scared, it's nothing!" Yes, that's what they said, after seeing no colour in my face.
Char started to set up for my "flight", while I was doing whatever I could to keep calm. I tried to imagine Jake Gyllenhaal down there to catch me. Didn't work. I tried to imagine a huge cotton candy at the bottom waiting for me to fall on its soft and bouncy surface. Didn't work.

"Ok, ready?" Char asked, looking at me and smiling. I felt like punching that smile away.
"Bismillahirahmanirahim" I whispered, and saying it a thousand times in my heart.
I looked at him, nodded, and in a split second, he pushed me off the platform and "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And as I was going closer to the other platform, I heard Kevin yelled "BRAKE!!"
I reached the bamboo stick, then SHIT! How do I brake? How do I brake when I'm going so fastttt?!! OMG my flip flops are gonna fall! I just bought these can't lose them! Hold tight hold tight!!!

"I CAN'T BRAKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" BOOOOOMM! I hit the tree.
That's how the locals do it.

The first station. Char briefing us on how to do it while I'm shaking the platform off.

It really was a HAPPY ENDING. It really was the wildest experience I've had so far. For those who love outdoor activities, Jungle Flight in Chiang Mai Thailand should be in your list! Believe me, you won't regret it.

A SCRATCH

Today Kak Lina and I had a meeting at this place called Saloma Bistro at Jalan Ampang, with all the ASEAN Office Directors. I was quite excited, actually, to finally meet them face to face after exchanging a few thousands of emails.

We arrived there quite early. Parked the car and went straight to the meeting room.
I introduced myself to Brunei's Director and she said to me "Oh Hanis... We finally meet. I'm quite surprised though. You sound a bit elderly on the phone."

That was.... interesting.
I wonder if my writing sounds a bit elderly as well. Is it?

So anyway, after the meeting we had this wonderful lunch.
They served lemang, delicious rendang, ketupat and kuah kacang. Well there were more dishes, just that I ate those only.

After lunch, we excused ourselves since there were a lot more to do back in the office.

We reached the parking lot, and I saw something. Something so disturbing that I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. Something so disturbing that it'll haunt me in my dreams, sorry, nightmares. It was a SCRATCH. Yes, a scratch on the front side of my car. It was huge, so prominent and I thought my eyeballs were about to pop out.

"WHAT???!! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?! I DON'T REMEMBER HITTING SOMETHING OR HAVING SOMETHING HIT ME!!! GREAT, JUST GREAT!! ANOTHER SCRATCH AFTER TWO SCRATCHES AT THE BACK! MAYBE I SHOULD JUST SCRATCH ALL OVER THE CAR THEN PEOPLE WON'T REALIZE THESE ARE SCRATCHES! WAY TO GO TO RUIN MY MOO..."

Suddenly, I heard Kak Lina said "Err.. Hanis, THIS is your car." while pointing at the another white Viva beside it.

KENDURI KAHWIN

One day I received a message from a non-Malay, non-smoking friend, asking about the Malay Wedding. Apparently he received an invitation and was pretty nervous about the dos and donts of a Malay Wedding.

So this was the conversation in my Facebook inbox.

"The Non-Malay, Non-Smoking Friend"
Subject: malay wedding 101. information needed.

Yo looser.
Got a malay wedding to go. Apparently it's like a party in the house and then a dinner and function 2 days later.
What is the processes, what I should do, are there certain wedding gifts to bring/don't bring, what are the taboos. what to wear?

"Me"
Subject: RE: malay wedding 101. information needed.

Hi bigger loooser!
Good to hear from you :D

Here's a list of taboo:
1. Don't bring alcohol
2. Don't give alcohol
3. Don't consume alcohol
4. You are allowed to bring a girlfriend but DON'T MAKE OUT during the kenduri.
5. You can wear anything except for women's clothes, swimming trunk, boxers only, sleeveless t-shirt, go topless or bottomless or your over sized warden uniform which I gave. Better if you could wear Baju Melayu with songkok (the one you put on your head) and a sampin (the one you wrap around your waist on top of the Baju Melayu).
6. Other than alcohol and pork, you are free to give any gifts. Recommended to give household stuff like glassware. If you have no idea what to get, just get an IKEA voucher.
ARE YOU HAPPY WITH THE EXPLANATION?

Did I make it clear enough for him?
I hope I did.