The Day Tok Ayah Went Away

It was 26 January 2013.

Today was the day of my cousin, Elish's wedding reception. I was so looking forward to this day, maybe because I was partly involved in planning the reception.

Around 7.30am, my phone rang and I saw it was my ibu.

"Assalamualaikum ibu..," I answered the call.

Ibu said, "Wa'alaikumussalam. Anis....... tok ayah dah takdak."

I just kept quiet. I couldn't believe it for a while.
Yes, tok ayah had been sick for some time. But I guess no matter how much you think you are prepared for this, when the time finally comes, it still hits you hard.

I quickly got myself together and headed to Aunty Mama's house in Kota Kemuning.

Alhamdulillah, everything went smoothly. Maha Suci Allah yang telah mempermudahkan segala urusan pengebumian tok ayah. By 11.30am, tok ayah selamat disemadikan.

After that we rushed to the dewan, to prepare for the wedding. I pity my Aunty Mama, who was the hostess of the reception, and she just lost her dad. I couldn't imagine being in her shoes at that time.

Duka dalam suka.
That's how I can describe what we felt that day. It was a day to remember for our family.

As some of you might know, I grew up living with my mak tok and tok ayah. 
Allah knows how much I love them. 

In June 2009, I lost mak tok. It was one of the hardest moments in my life. 
I felt part of me died with her. 

And now, tok ayah said goodbye. 
Up until now, I find it hard to believe that he was gone. I just felt that he was still there at my Aunty Mama's house. That I'd go over the weekend, to say hi and sembang with him for hours.

But I have that no more. 
No more talking about wars, about politics, about life. 
No more buying him toilet paper rolls, cotton buds, minyak cap kapak. No more. 

Sometimes when I visited him, I salam him and then he said, "Awat Anis lama tak mai. Tok ayah rindu kat Anis." Then I'd apologise for not coming for some time, that I had "stuff" to do. He'd just smile and said, "Jangan kerja kuat sangat. Kesihatan kena jaga."  

I'm sorry, tok ayah. 
I'm sorry for not visiting you as often as I should've. 

I hope you know how much I love you. 
I hope you know how much I am missing you. 

You will always be in my prayers, for as long as I live, InsyaAllah.

Al-Fatihah. 

Tok ayah at mak tok's graveyard in 2009

He couldn't see clearly, yet he smiled for me :)

 

 

Cooking his favourite menu was one of the best memories.

When tok ayah got really sick :'(