I'm sitting beside tok ayah, listening to one of his stories back when he was young. We are both at University Malaya Medical Centre. Yes, tok ayah is in the hospital, admitted for his lung infection and low blood pressure. It's been 5 days now.
I gotta say, this week has been one of the toughest week for me this year.
I screwed up at work. Lately I have been screwing up with work very frequently that I hate myself for it. I lost focus, I was exhausted, I was stressed. Too many things to do, too little time to do it. I was overwhelmed.
It started all on last Wednesday.
At the same time I received news about tok ayah's lung infection. I broke down.
Let's not elaborate.
Enough said that I was frustrated with myself in terms of work, and I was sad thinking about tok ayah.
It's funny how when all these happen, there's no one here with me. I mean physically. My parents are far away, my best friends are away. I'm all alone. And I feel even more depressed. And I have never felt this lonely in a long time.
But then again, this is a test from Allah. Every now and then, my faith to Him has to be tested. What is faith without tests? Right? Life is not a walk in the park. Life is tough. As long as this depression brings me closer to Him, I will take it.
I believe this test is a way of Him showing me how much I am loved and blessed.
So yes, I can face this.
I will get through this, with Him by my side and in my heart. I will have the strength. Because my strength lies in knowing that He is here for me, no matter what. When no one is here with me, He is. When no one shows they care, He does. When I don't believe in myself, He believes in me.
And for Him, I will get through this.
May Allah swt be with me and all of you through our hard times. May our hard times strengthen our relationship with Him. And may we all be reminded that at the end of the day, He is all that matters.
Ameen Ya Rabbal'alamin.