DID I JUST SAY...

"Ya Allah sejuknya!!" I said once I stepped into the apartment, almost wanted to jump on my client, Nina (bukan nama sebenar) who was there with me. Then I thought... nah.. we're not THAT close yet. Give it another year.

I walked to the balcony, admiring the beautiful scenery of Cameron Highlands.
Yes, we were at Cameron Highlands for a photo shoot, people! And it had been a while since I was here. I think the last time I was here was like, more than 10 years ago. So it was good to be back, to get some fresh air. And a good escape to clear my mind.

After we were briefed about tomorrow's shoot, we all said good night and headed to bed.

Around 6.30am the next morning, we went down to get some breakfast. Just a little... I didn't have appetite to eat that early. I mean I just had some pancakes, chicken sausages, some bread, beef bacon, and some more pancakes, I think. Not much.. just a little.

*clear throat* hurm.. ok, that was when we met Shahir, a 6 year-old boy talent for the ad. OMG, he was SO cute. SO handsome. If only he was 24 years older. Yeah, these are the kind of guys I'm attracted to. It's either they're too young, or too old, or not attracted to me at all. Story of my life.

Anyway, Shahir seemed to be moody that morning. I was quite worried that he could not pull it off during the shoot. So, since I have always been good with kids, I knew exactly what I was supposed to do. I started to create a conversation with him.

"How old are you?" I asked.
No answer. Didn't even look at me. No, no. Didn't even look at the area surrounding me.

"Are you hungry?" I asked again.
Still so quiet that I could hear his breath.

"Are you sleepy?" I tried again.
No answer. He seemed annoyed a little. I don't blame him.

Then it hit me. Get him to play a game! And we are in the year of 2011, where children don't play galah panjang, buaya-buaya, batu seremban or kahwin-kahwin (my favourite, by the way) anymore. They play Angry Birds.

So I took out my phone and handed it to him. "You wanna play Angry Birds?"
He looked at me, smiled, reached out his hand and nodded. We became best buddies a few minutes after that.

See, told you I was good with kids.

After breakfast, we headed to the location - the tea plantation.
Subhanallah.. the view was awesome. I could stay there forever *cough* iftheyhavegoodinternetconnection.

Actually, before we came to the location, we were all worried that the weather was going to be a challenge. But, thank Allah, He brought us sunshine that morning. It was so beautiful. It was perfect.

The man talent for the ad was Peter Davis. He was the dad and Shahir was the son. They really looked like real father and son. Both are gorgeously gorgeous, and both are professionals! Within 2 hours, we called it a wrap. Peter and Shahir were truly awesome. That's the good thing working with professionals. They know what they need to do, and they deliver it perfectly. Made everybody's job easier.

It was time to go back to the apartment.
We all went into the van which brought us there. It was a Mercedes, 14-seater van. Yeah, it was huge!
Shahir and his mom were sitting in the front row seat, me and Nina in the second row and Peter was behind us.
While we were heading down, Peter mentioned something about soap. Then I remembered the incident where I gave soap to Datuk. (those who have no idea please refer to "me and my new stool" entry and you'll know what happened)

So I told him and Nina the story "...bla bla bla bla....then I offered Datuk a candy and he took it. And then we ate it together at once, and then he spit it out and said 'THIS IS NOT CANDY THIS IS SOAP!' and I was like 'SHIT'!"

Nina looked at me in horror and said, "No way you're coming near my kid!"
I was like, why? What's wrong? What did I say...? Oh shit! OMG I just said "shit" in front of a 6 year-old kid?! Ok, damage control time, Anis!

I quickly went to Shahir and asked, "You didn't hear I said 'SHIT', did you?"

Yeah, that's how good I am with kids.

Shahir playing some serious Angry Birds before getting ready for the shoot.

Me and Peter Davis the night before the shoot.
We went to the night market and I was freezing my a** out. So I stopped at every stall that was frying food. I needed the heat.

Peter getting some final touch up before the shoot.

Me and Nina having a photo shoot of our own.

Just look at this. If you need to escape from the city, from the stress at work, go to Cameron Highlands.
Sit here, get in touch with mother nature, clear your mind.
We have it all in Malaysia. Go travel!

Working time. They were doing this for 2 hours. Shahir was saying "Yay" for the entire time.
I don't think he'll ever say "Yay" again.

Awww... me and Shahir. Isn't he cute? I would so recommend him. He's a very talented young boy.

Me demonstrating how the "locals" pluck the tea leaves. The face is... whenever there's sunlight.

*Disclaimer: The last question to Shahir only happened in my head. But saying the 'S' word in front of him was real. ACCIDENTALLY saying.

AKU DAN JPJ

Pada suatu pagi ni, aku dh lambat nak p keja. Aku pun bawak keta dengan gaya samseng sebab dah memang lambat gila.

Selepas aku menyusur keluar ke federal highway dengan gaya Transporter, aku ternampak truck JPJ dok bawak kat lane kiri tak lebih 80km/j. adoi.. menurut perintah betoi.

Disebabkan aku lambat, aku pun discreetly memotong JPJ tersebut. Tapi dalam hati, dok takot kena tahan dengan JPJ sebab bawak laju. Cukup la pengalaman kena tahan dengan pegawai smart tunnel dulu. Tak mau aku menangis depan JPJ pulak.

Lepas aku dah menghilangkan diri dari pandangan JPJ tersebut, aku terjumpa lagi satu truck in blue kat depan aku. Aku just nampak logo saja.

"Alamak... another JPJ???" I said to myself. Ok la.. aku jadi baik la.. aku bawak la pelan-pelan kat belakang truck tu.

Ya Allah.. depa ni bawak keta tekan minyak ka, tolak dengan kaki? kalau aku turun TOLAK keta aku pun lagi laju dr depa bawak. Adoi.. takpa-takpa. sabaq Anis. Hang tak mau menangis depan JPJ, kan??

Tetiba, phone aku bunyi. Nombor tak kenai. Alamak.. ni mesti orang yang nak deliver katil aku nih. Aku pn angkat la, put him on loud speaker. Punya takot JPJ tahan aku sebab cakap phone while driving.

So lepas cakap dengan mamat tu, I was approaching the toll. Truck tu menuju ke arah lane "Tunai". Yay!! Aku bebas! Aku pun pederaih la p Touch 'N Go. Masa kat toll tu, aku nampak truck tu melepasi toll. Then, aku tengok truck tu balik - CAREFULLY.

Kat truck tu, tertulis....

"MAJLIS PERBANDARAN PETALING JAYA"

IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE...

It's been a while since I had a crush on someone.
Usually it only last in a blink of an eye. But this time, this time it's a bit serious than I thought it would be.

And you know the best part is?
I know nothing about him.

That's why I keep asking myself. Why Anis, why? You might not even like him when you find out how he really is.
But still.. I can't get him out of my mind.

I do hope this feeling will go away soon. And never come back!

And to that someone, this song is for you.
Enjoy it while it last, cause this ship is sailing soon, mister!

A PICTURE THAT IS WORTH A MILLION WORDS

they say a picture is worth a thousand words.
to me, this picture worth a million.

it's a picture of my hand holding mak tok's hand when she was sick in the hospital.
mak tok took care of me since i was a little baby. she raised me to be who i am today.

when i took this picture, she was so weak but she knew i was there, i was reaching out for her hand.
she was so weak that she couldn't open her eyes but she tried to grab my hand and hold it as tight as she could.
she heard me talking to her, but she couldn't speak. so she took my hand and put it on her chest.

i kept talking to her. saying that when she gets well, i would bring her back to our home in Penang.
we could stay there for as long as she likes, eat whatever she likes to eat, and go wherever she likes to go.
she nodded, still holding my hand as tight as she could. i could see that she was happy. happy to know she was going home again, happy that i was there with her, happy to even just listening to my voice.

i prayed. i prayed and i prayed to Allah so that mak tok would be ok. so that i could bring her home. so that i could listen to her laughter again. so that i could hug her whenever i want. so that i could make her happy.

but Allah loves her more.
we said our goodbyes in 2009. and i have been missing her since then. every single day.

because nobody holds my hand like how mak tok did.
because nobody hugs me like how mak tok did.
because nobody laughs at my jokes like how mak tok laughed.

because nobody loves me like how mak tok loved me.

anis rindu mak tok.
anis rindu mak tok sangat-sangat.

al-fatihah

YOU GET THAT FROM MY HANDWRITING?

"Where's Kak Lina ni..." I whispered to myself. We just finished a meeting and had some discussion with the clients at their office in Putrajaya. I was dealing with Norlia (bukan nama sebenar), while Kak Lina was settling some other problems with...errr... Sapiah (bukan nama sebenar).

Suddenly I saw Kak Lina. "Hanis, we can't go just yet. I have to simplify these letters. Just need to write it down, no need to reprint. Can you help me?" she asked.

Me being the ultimate helper *cough* suck up, immediately said "YES!". Then I saw the amount of papers. Oooook..... Nak lari pun dah terlambat, so I sat down, looking at the points we needed to write on those letters.

As I was writing, I thought wow.. I haven't been writing in a while! It felt awkward, actually. And my handwriting is getting unbelievably hideous. Hideous pun tak hideous macam handwriting aku. That's how hideous my handwriting is.

While I was busy finishing my third letter, suddenly Kak Lina looked at a letter that I've written and said, "You are very close to people."

I stopped writing, looked at Kak Lina and said, "What??"

"Ni ha, your handwriting ni.. it says you're close to people. Your handwriting says a lot about you, you know. So does your signature."

"Really? You can analyse handwritings and signatures?? That is so cool!"

She nodded. "Yup, my dad used to have this book about handwriting and how to "read" it," then she looked at the letter again, continued to analyse.


"You are not very open-minded..."
"Yup, true... on certain things..."

"You are shy..."
"YES I am. But not shy enough to be running into the glass wall at client's office in a foreign country..."

"You are optimistic..."
"I do think I will marry Ryan Gosling..."

"You are secretive. You don't show who you really are. THIS (while pointing her finger at me) is all staged!"
I looked at her with narrowed eyes and said, "No I am not! I'm very transparent! What you see is who I really am!"
"Are you sure??" she asked sambil senyum-senyum kambing.
"Yeeee...s!! Wait. I do have a secret... I used to have this one bantal busuk." OH.MY.GOD. Did I just voluntarily give up my own secret?! Nice work, Anis. Great.

"Ok enough analysing my handwriting," I said, trying to change the topic. I wouldn't wanna talk about my bantal busuk, the story is just too tragic and sad.

"Let me analyse YOUR handwriting," I said while taking Kak Lina's letter.

Then I started analysing it like a real pro.
Her handwriting is cursive, big, takes a lot of space, has a lot of curves. Then I looked at her and told her my analysis.

"Your handwriting says that you sometimes don't understand your own handwriting and need to borrow someone else's notebook in order to write a contact report."

After digesting my analysis, Kak Lina looked at me as if she was about to smack the wax out of my ear.
But then, she paused, and said, "True."

See! I don't need a book to help me analyse. Pro. PRO siot!
Come, let me analyse YOUR handwriting.

WHEN ONE THING LEADS TO ANOTHER

Ada suatu ketika ni, surau dekat building office aku black out. Surau tu kat basement, so bila black out memang BLACK la. Satu apapun tak nampak. It had been blacked-out for like 2-3 days in a row. And everytime aku dah turun nak solat baru teringat yang surau tengah mengalami musim black out. I was like, shoot! I had to cross over the road to solat at this one neighbourhood surau nearby the office.

So pada suatu hari ni, I decided to be proactive. Aku nak jugak solat kat surau basement tu. So, I went to 7-Eleven to see what I can use to light up the surau.

The first thing aku cari masa masuk 7-E tu of course la lilin. Jalan punya jalan, aha! LILIN CAP LIGHT HOUSE. Cantik! Aku pun dengan pantas merabut lilin tersebut sebelum orang lain yang mengalami musim black out amik.

Masa dok berjalan nak pi bayaq, aku terpikiaq. "Macamana aku nak bagi lilin ni berdiri elok-elok? Takkan nak boh ataih tapak tangan aku kot? Mau menyambaq pulak kat telekung aku, tebakaq. Memang cerah betoi surau tu nanti. Aku ja la nanti hanguih gelap teruk."

Jadi aku pun pi la cari apa-apa yang boleh lapik lilin tu...

Ok find something...hard and has a flat surface. Twisties? Nah... Sneakers? Nah... Kuaci? Gila apa!
Time to move on to another aisle. I looked at my watch - 3.00pm. Hurry, Anis you're running out of time!

Then I saw something. Something with a flat surface, something hard. Something that would be able to make the lilin berdiri seperti sebuah light house. (Hey is that why they name it LIGHT HOUSE??)

Ok, back to the story.

That something was a PEANUT BUTTER! A small Lady's Choice peanut butter. Boleh aku letak lilin ataih tu. And they had my favourite flavour! It was like killing two birds with one stone. OMG I'm a genius!
I picked it, and headed to the counter. Then something hit me. "Takkan aku nak ratah ja peanut butter ni lepaih ni? Kembang tengkok aku aih."

"Kejap eh dik," aku kata kat cashier 7-E tu and terus pi amik the first thing that came across my mind - roti Gardenia.
Masa nak bayaq tu, ternampak pulak pisang kat counter tu. Satu seringgit. Sedap pulak nampak. Then I thought, I should really reward myself for being proactive. Lalu aku pun beli la pisang tu.

Ok, great! I have all the things that I needed. Aku dengan excited dan berbangga dengan diri sendirinya berjalan laju menuju ke surau basement.

Keluaq-keluaq ja dari lif, aku belok ke kanan towards the surau.
Dan aku mendapati bahawasanya.... SURAU DAH ADA LETRIK.

Inilah dia barisan-barisan pelakon drama pendek "Aku, Lilin Cap Light House, Peanut Butter dan Roti".
- The End -

AKU DAN BANJIR

It has been raining very heavily these days, kan? Biasa la hujung-hujung tahun ni. Aku kan, if hujan lebat ja, aku mesti teringat kampung halaman aku yang tercinta - Dhoby Ghaut.

Dhoby Ghaut tu, kalau hujan lebat non-stop sejam pun ayaq dah boleh naik sampai takat lutut. Kalau 2 jam kira boleh hapuih kepala. Tapi kepala budak 3 tahun la.

So there was this one time, hujan turun tak benti everyday, and naik ayaq bah berkali-kali but tak sampai masuk dalam rumah kami la. Alhamdulillah sebab tanah rumah mak tok agak tinggi compared dengan rumah lain kat kampung tu. Kalau banjir yang besaq ja baru masuk rumah kami. So most of the time kami dapat tidoq dengan nyenyak tanpa rasa risau.

Mak tok and tok ayah tidoq kat bawah sebab senang nak pi toilet semua. Mak tok tidoq ataih katil kat dapoq and tok ayah loved to sleep on a mattress on the hall floor. Dia dok kuat lagi masa tu. He was still working, if I'm not mistaken.

Mai satu malam ni, aku dikejutkan dengan jeritan batin mak tok dari bawah, "Anis!! Bangun ni ayaq masuk rumah dh!"
It was 3am. Aku pun bangun seketoi sampai saket kepala semua. Lari turun bawah, tengok-tengok ayaq dah paras ataih buku lali. Uh oh!

"La.. bila ayaq masuk ni mak tok??" aku tanya sambil cepat-cepat ubah kaset-kaset Backstreet Boys, Spice Girls, N'SYNC, album first Siti Nurhaliza aku kat ataih meja kat dapoq tu.

"Yang tu yang hang kalut sangat nak angkat. Semua kaset tu pulak dah tenggelam dalam ayaq! Tu pi angkat kerusi-kerusi kat hall tu!" mak tok nampak semput dengan perangai kebudak-budakan aku masa tu.

Aku kalih kat tok ayah, "Tok ayah, macamana boleh sedaq masuk ayaq ni?"

"Tok ayah dok tidoq, lepaih tu rasa lagu basah. Bangun-bangun dok ada dalam ayaq," tok ayah jawab dengan muka cool.

Tudia tok ayah aku terendam dalam ayaq! Ayaq habih masuk dalam telinga tu la kot sampai lani sound rosak sket. Tapi takpa, tok ayah tetap handsome dan menjadi pujaan hatiku.

Kami pun kelam kabut la angkat segala barang yang ataih lantai tu.
Lepaih dah settle semua, we lepak upstairs sampai la pagi.. Yang paaaaling aku ingat and yang paaaaling best masa naik ayaq bah apa tau? AJK MASJID SHEIKH YUSOFF distribute nasik kandaq dengan kopi 'o' naik sampan! SAMPAN siot! Masa tu dapat nasik kandaq macam menang iPad 2 punya seronok. Hujan-hujan pulak tu. It was the best feeling.

"Anis, pi cuci buang selut-selut kat bawah tu," mak tok memberi arahan.

So aku pun turun la cuci selut. I started in the house first, cause it was the trickiest part. Kalau biaq lama nanti susah nak tanggai selut tu, lepaih tu nanti berhabuk bila lantai kering. (tudia aku boleh bukak business cuci selut dah lepaih ni)

Tiba-tiba aku dengaq riuh sangat kat luaq rumah. So aku pun tinggai sat keja aku and went outside to see what was going on. I went out and saw Mak Ruby (she's my aunt who lives beside our house), her sons Abg Ril and Abg Bob, my neighbour Mak Cik Lijah and her grandson Muhammad who was about 8 years old at that time.

Masa tu ayaq kat laman rumah aku boleh dikatakan tinggi lagi. So Abg Ril and Abg Bob pun amik kesempatan buat depan rumah kami tu macam swimming pool. They were still young masa tu, sekolah lagi rasanya. Tak pun early 20s.

"Ni Muhammad, apa rah tak mandi. Syok ni ayaq sejuk! Mai la terjun! Ingat selalu ka ayaq naik tinggi lagu ni?" Abg Ril dok cucuk Muhammad join depa.

Aku kalih tengok Muhammad. Memang muka gian gila nak mandi ayaq bah.

Dia kalih tengok tok dia, "Nanima (tok), nak mandi.."

"HANG BERANI KALAU HANG TURUN AKU NAK TENGOK! BERANI TURUN! AKU NANTI PULAIH TELINGA HANG SAMPAI TERKELUAQ! HAAAA TURUN! BERANI HANG TURUN!!" Mak Cik Lijah bagi warning beik punya kat cucu dia. Lagu ni AKU pun tak berani nak mandi ayaq bah. Silap-silap Mak Ruby pun sama takot. Lepaih tu we heard Mak Cik Lijah's daughter calling her from her house. So she left.

Muhammad tengok Abg Ril dengan Abg Bob balik.
"Rugi laaa, rugi! Ayaq dok dalam lagi boleh berenang, boleh selam apa semua tak mau masuk," Abg Bob pulak perangat dia. It must've been like a live or death kinda thing to Muhammad.

Disebabkan godaan Abg Ril and Abg Bob tu terlalu kuat dan sukar nak ditepis, akhirnya Muhammad pun terjun dengan jayanya ke dalam ayaq bah...

"Tudia mampuih dia sat lagi nanima dia mai!" Mak Ruby kata sambil tergelak.

This was getting interesting. I wanted to know how this ends, so I took a seat.

Mak Cik Lijah came back and saw Muhammad "snorkeling" in the flood. I thought I could see her taking a very deep breath before saying "HA HANG DUDUK, HANG DUDUK DALAM TU SAMPAI ESOK! AYAQ SURUT PUN HANG JANGAN DOK NEIK! BERANI KALAU HANG NEIK! AKU NANTI RIMBOK HANG TERUUUUK NANTI! HANG DUDUK DALAM TU!!"

Aku dengan Mak Ruby punya la gelak sampai keluaq ayaq mata.
I know Mak Cik Lijah was so upset but I just couldn't hold it. It was just too damn funny. "Habih la hang Muhammad.. hahahahah... macamana nak balik rumah.. Kak Anis tak tau la... hahahahah." aku pulak usik Muhammad.

Tiba-tiba kedengaran suara yang 10x hebat, 10x kuat daripada suara Mak Cik Lijah
"AMBOI ANIS HANG PI MANA TINGGAI HABIH SEGALA MOP, PENYODOK APA SEMUA KAT BAWAH NI BUAT KEJA LAGU MANA NI TINGGAI SEKERAT JALAN AKU CUKUP-CUKUP PANTANG BUAT KEJA TAK PERABIH NI TAK MENYEKOH NAK BUAT APAPUN NINDIA HABIH SELUT SEMUA KERING HANG PI MANA NAK MAMPUIH SANGAT DAH NI ANIS OI!!!!"