Tuesday, December 20, 2011


they say a picture is worth a thousand words.
to me, this picture worth a million.

it's a picture of my hand holding mak tok's hand when she was sick in the hospital.
mak tok took care of me since i was a little baby. she raised me to be who i am today.

when i took this picture, she was so weak but she knew i was there, i was reaching out for her hand.
she was so weak that she couldn't open her eyes but she tried to grab my hand and hold it as tight as she could.
she heard me talking to her, but she couldn't speak. so she took my hand and put it on her chest.

i kept talking to her. saying that when she gets well, i would bring her back to our home in Penang.
we could stay there for as long as she likes, eat whatever she likes to eat, and go wherever she likes to go.
she nodded, still holding my hand as tight as she could. i could see that she was happy. happy to know she was going home again, happy that i was there with her, happy to even just listening to my voice.

i prayed. i prayed and i prayed to Allah so that mak tok would be ok. so that i could bring her home. so that i could listen to her laughter again. so that i could hug her whenever i want. so that i could make her happy.

but Allah loves her more.
we said our goodbyes in 2009. and i have been missing her since then. every single day.

because nobody holds my hand like how mak tok did.
because nobody hugs me like how mak tok did.
because nobody laughs at my jokes like how mak tok laughed.

because nobody loves me like how mak tok loved me.

anis rindu mak tok.
anis rindu mak tok sangat-sangat.



  1. simple & sweet but definitely put me to tears...she's in peace to have a grandchild like you...al-fatihah

  2. al-fatihah....... :'(

  3. I miss her & my mak tok too..
    Now i wanna blame u because of u!! I cried again tonite!!

  4. Azy: aww... didn't mean to make you cry dear... sama-sama kita doakan roh mak tok kita dirahmati Allah k..

  5. Anis, you are very very lucky to be raised by such a wonderful Mak Tok.
    My own Tok Mama, passed when my mom was around 12 y.o. i never had a chance to know her, although i've heard stories of her, and I have one very old picture of her. And that's about it. I do not know her, but I miss her. I hope this makes sense to you.

    May your Mak Tok, and my Tok Mama, rest in peace.

    Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat to the both of them, and the rest yang telah pergi. Al Fatihah.