SKETCHES OF MY TEENAGE LIFE

"Apa yang hang kelam kabut sangat tu Anis?" mak tok tanya lepaih dia tengok aku dok buat ramai kat dapoq.

"Ni dok buat kopi ni ha. Nak cepat sebab ada keja," aku jawab sambil tuang ayaq yang panaih menggelegak tu.
Lepaih dah rasa manis, pahit, tawaq hebiaq kopi tu, aku kelam kabut pulak ke atas, ke bilik aku.

POM POM POM POM! Bunyi kaki aku lari naik tangga. Rumah kayu la katakan.

"AMBOI TAK LAMA NANTI REBAN RUMAH AKU!" kedengaran mak tok menjerkah aku dari belakang.
Ops. Sorry mak tok. Couldn't control the excitement.

I quickly went into my room. And there they were... my sketch book, a few pencils, an eraser and a picture of a celebrity I was having a crush on at that moment.

Yes, drawing potraits used to be my favourite past time. Bila diingatkan, aku melukis lebih daripada aku belajaq dulu. Kalau tak mesti lani aku dah jadi doktor (ayam).

Aku suka lukis muka-muka artis Hollywood sebab orang senang nak recognise. Kalau aku lukis muka Tok Mami ka, Aci Ton yang dok belakang rumah mak tok aku tu, rasanya mak tok aku sorang ja la yang kenai.

I used to draw late at night, when it was quiet and peaceful. I would listen to my walkman (walkman, siot!!), and put on some good music (the definition of "good music" at that time was Spice Girls, 911, Backstreet Boys and Siti Nurhaliza's second album. Kantoiiiii)

So I just wanna share with you guys my collections. Dated waaaaayyyyy back in 2000 and 2001.

Ada suatu ketika ni aku minat gila dengan Britney Spears.
Lani dah macam tak dak pedoman dah aku tengok Britney Spears ni.

Mariah Carey.
I saw her picture and thought her hair looked great. So I drew her.

I love the shirt and her hair. This is Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Awww.. Jen and Brad back when they were happy together.
I used to draw Jennifer Aniston A LOT. She has amazing hair.

Jennifer Aniston....

Jennifer Aniston...

....and there she is again. I told you I drew her a lot!

This is one of my favourites. She is also my favourite Hollywood actress, Julia Robers.
I saw her and I couldn't resist. I could hear her hair calling me, "Draw me, Anis.. draw me." Well that was kinda creepy.

Oh boy. Ok, N'SYNC was a big hit back then and I fell in love with Justin Timberlake.
So ada suatu ketika ni, tangan aku asyik la rasa tegeliat. Sebab apa? Sebab dok lukih rambut deni RAH!


Tengok punya banyak. Macamana tak tergeliat tangan aku?!

Ok next selebriti ni... nak kata aku suka kat dia, tak dak la sangat. Ok je la. Tapi ada jugak la lukis muka dia, tapi tak dak la banyak sangat. Sikit je, tak banyak. Sikit. Sikit sangat.
Siti Nurhaliza!

Lagi satu Siti...

.....Siti lagi...

....and here she is again....hmmm...

errr....and again...

....and Siti last punya!
What? I really like her? No lah! Mana ada banyak lukis gambar dia.. tak banyak ni.. *nervous sweat*

Oh yes, I remember this. This is my masterpiece back then. I was (and still am) a big big fan of The Lord of The Rings, and as innocent as a teenager, I was in love with Legolas.

Sepanjang dok lukis ni, ada la berenti 20 kali dok rasa macam dia dok renung muka aku. Oh Legolas!

Anyway, I was planning to draw each of the character in LOTR. You know, Gandalf, Aragon etc. Lani bukan takat Gandalf, Gurkha pun belum tentu dapat lukis.

Tapi, dalam banyak-banyak potret yang aku lukis, yang bawah ni paling best:

Kenai tak?? Mesti la hangpa tak kenai, ni KOMANDER aku masa Diploma kat Arau Perlis dulu!!
Memang stalker sejati aku nih.

Terasa nak buat TEPUK TEPUK KOMANDO!

AUUUUUMMMMM!!!

I was driving at 100km/h from Section 9 to Section 7. I stopped by kedai koyok (fyi kedai ni dinamakan kedai koyok sebab pada suatu hari si abg cashier kat situ pakai koyok belambak gila kat muka dia. silap besaq la nampak kat aku). Anyway, singgah kedai koyok beli air mineral. Masuk keluaq kedai macam penyamun punya cepat. Aku cepat-cepat park kereta, brought the mineral water and ran to my house.

As soon as I went into the house, I looked at the watch. 8.15pm. Ok I better hurry! So I went into the bathroom, mandi lebih kurang, keluaq mengadap TV.

Yes, it was the SEA Games. Malaysia VS Indonesia was about to start in a few minutes.
Aku beli nasik beriyani kambing and kebab for Ijah. I brought the food, sat excitedly in front of the TV and called my best friend, Ijah, "Ijah cepat oi nak start dah!"

Ijah came out with a novel in her hand.
For the record, I salute Ijah for her skill of doing two things at a time. Remember the giving direction and telling Tamil story incident? (Refer to my entry "KIRI! KANAN! TERUIH!) Tonight it was watching football and reading novel. The best part is, these things have NOTHING in common at all. It's like water and oil. Again, I salute you Ijah - TERUIH!

Back to the story. So kami pun duduk la depan TV tu. Baru aku nak suap nasik, Indon dah bagi satu gol! Masa tu rasa macam nak lempaq nasik dengan kambing tu kat TV tu ada jugak. Tapi I said to myself, takpa, banyak masa lagi. Lagipun, sat lagi aku jugak yang nak kena sapu simpan nasik yang aku lempaq tu. So takpa, sabaq. Makan dulu.

Setelah lama menunggu, Malaysia tak bagi gol lagi.

Aku tengok Ijah sambil kata, "Haish Ijah! Panaih aih aku tengok game nih!"

Ijah jawab, "Sabaq, Anis, sabaq. Lambat lagi nak habih ni."

Aku balaih, "Tak, aku panaih sebab makan kambing ni."

Then I noticed Ijah gave me this aku-rasa-nak-cekik-budak-sekoq-ni-rah look. I ignored it, and kept watching the game.

After a few attempts, there was still no goal from Harimau Muda.
And there I was, sitting there soaking my hands in the rice. I refused to wash it because I didn't wanna miss the goal. Tapi aku dah give up menunggu. Basuh ja rah! Dok buat macam dapoq umah aku besaq padang bola. Padang guli pn tak sampai.

Lepas aku basuh tangan dengan pinggan makan aku, aku cepat-cepat dok depan TV balik.
Ijah masih kusyuk baca novel. Sesekali bila aku menjerit masa Malaysia or Indon attempt nak score goal, baru dia tengok sambil menjerit sekali.

Then, something amazing happened. Malaysia scored a goal. Indon 1 and Malaysia 1. Yahoooo!! Aku dengan Ijah lari keliling hall, imagining ourselves at the stadium. We could hear the entire neighbourhood cheered as well. It was amazing.

Then we went back to the game, hoping that Malaysia would score again.
Indon was desperate to score another goal, but Malaysia's defense was undefeatable. Then suddenly, Indon scored a goal! I was frustrated that I looked at Ijah and said, "Aku nak masuk tidoq rah!"

Ijah tak tau nak kata apa. I could see the frustration in her eyes, but I wasn't sure whether it was caused by the Indon goal or that novel she was reading.

Then suddenly, a miracle happened! The linesman confirmed that it was offside. The goal didn't count! Wohooo!!! Happynya aku masa tu, tahap rasa nak buat kenduri doa selamat punya.

Aku nampak Ijah macam blur sket. She opened her mouth and said, "Offside tu apa?"
Isk deni.. buat malu ja. OFFSIDE pn tak tau?! Bila aku nak explain kat dia, baru aku sedaq yang aku pun tak berapa sure OFFSIDE ni apa sebenaqnya. Argh! Baru ja hari tu adik aku Ake (masih single, handsome banget tengok la kakak dia) explain kat aku OFFSIDE tu apa! I knew I should've wrote it down somewhere!

"Tak pa la Ijah. Aku explain pun hang nanti pening nanti," aku bagi jawapan cover kat Ijah.

Then we waited and watched and waited for another goal from Harimau Muda.
Sepanjang game tu, ni adalah antara ayat-ayat yang dok keluaq:

"Aku rasa bersalah nak sebut nama Fakri ni."

"Si Thamil ni dok ingat dia belakon dalam cerita Tamil ka?!!"

"Khairul Fahmi dok tangkap bola tu mcm dia tangkap aku!"

"Si Bonai ni dok jampi serapah apa kat goal ni panggei jin ka?!!"

"Ala bola kena jaring pulak! Yang gol Indon ni nak kena ada jaring buat apa?! Tiang aja tak boleh ka?!"

90+ minutes and masa tambahan pun dah habis. Still no goal from either side.
Yup, masa yang dinanti-nanti dah tiba. Penalty.

Ijah and I were standing the whole time during the penalty kick.
I can't imagine how the coach was feeling at that moment. Lutut aku dok belaga dah punya la ketaq. Nak amik result SPM pun tak macam ni dulu aih punya terok. Intense gila siot!

Lepaih hang tendang pi aku tendang mai, tiba la tendangan penentu samada Malaysia menang atau tak.

Baddrol, the team's captain, moved forward. Make this count, please!
He kicked the ball and ""GGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Ijah and I were running around the hall again, cheering, expressing our happiness.
Not long after that, fireworks started to fill the dark sky to celebrate Malaysia's victory. It was so beautiful.

It was an awesome game. It was even more awesome because my best friend was there with me, laughing, and yelling and getting angry at Indon players (sometimes the referee and linesmen) for no valid reason. It was truly a memorable and special night.

And to Harimau Muda, well done.

Well done for not giving up easily.
Well done for a game well played.
Well done for winning the gold medal.
And most importantly, well done for making us see how different races, religions and cultures come together for one thing we all love - MALAYSIA.

AUUUUMMMMMM!!!

Harimau Muda team.
How old is Baddrol, by the way? (Jenoh Ijah nanti GAVISCON dengan aku)

Kami anak MALAYSIA! *sniff*

KIRI! KANAN! TERUIH!

Minggu lepaih, aku balik Penang sebab nak attend a few weddings (dua ja sebenarnya). Aku stay kat rumah Ijah, my best friend of 17 years (and counting). One of the weddings yang aku nak attend was Azy's cousin's wedding. Ijah was invited too.

So petang Sabtu tu, aku dan Ijah pun bertolak la ke Bukit Mertajam, where the wedding was held. Aku tak tau jalan, tak berapa terer sangat kat belah sana. So aku tengok Ijah yang dok duduk dengan ayu dan mulut merahnya di sebelah aku.

"Hang tau ka jalan ni?" aku tanya, menggerakkan bibir yang tak semerah Ijah itu.

Ijah amik wedding card tu, pastu studied the map. "Tau."

Fuh.. Lega aku dengaq. "Ok, hang tunjuk jalan la na.."

We went through quiet roads, where there was paddy field and all.

Aku dah mula risau. Ni semua disebabkan oleh insiden PEKAN LAMA BANGI. Masa tu aku dan Azy nak hantaq Ijah balik ke tempat kursus dia somewhere in Bangi. Aku dan Azy sah-sah tak tau jalan, so memang bergantung kat Ijah to lead us there. It was late at night. And it was dark. Bila aku tanya ja Ijah, jawapan dia "Straight ja. Aku tau jalan ni. Aku penah lalu." Sekali tudia! Sampai PEKAN LAMA BANGI.

So kali ni aku risau sesat ke Bukit Kayu Hitam pulak. Kat jalan tu dok nampak bukit dah ni. Kayu pun banyak jugak.

Jadi, aku pun tanya Ijah balik, just to be sure. "Ijah, kita kat mana dalam map ni?" sambil pegang kad kawen sepupu Azy tu.

"Kita takdak dalam map." Ijah jawab. Ha sudah. Memang ke Bukit Kayu Hitam la ni. Kalau tau bawak duit banyak sikit, boleh jugak shopping. "Aku bawak hang jalan short cut RAH." Dia sambung sambil tersenyum sinis, lepaih tengok aku gelabah kot. Senyum nak tunjuk mulut merah la tu.

"Ohh... ok ok."

Tiba-tiba, Ijah bukak cerita "Weh, hang tau dak, aku tengok cita Tamil ni hari tu..." Dia ni memang layan cerita Tamil. Aku, cerita Tamil, layan tengok Paddiyappa ja.

"Ha apa dia?" aku pun nak dengaq dengan excitednya. "Weih ni kot mana ni?" aku tanya Ijah bila kami sampai di satu simpang.

Ijah jawab, "Kiri. Ni, aku nak cerita kat hang. Hang tau tak, cerita Tamil ni kan. Hero dia saja trick pompuan tu kata tak mau kawen dengan pompuan tu. Dia tinggai pompuan tu macam tu ja. Habih tu pompuan tu bengang la... KANAN!"

Aku pun pusing ke kanan dalam keadaaan terketaq-ketaq dan tak sempat nak bagi signal.

"Tak lama lepaih dia tinggai pompuan tu, dia ajak pompuan tu jumpa balik kat ataih puncak bukit... TERUIH!"

Aku pun drive straight kat traffic light tu.

"Dia jumpa pompuan tu, dia kata kat pompuan tu 'I love you', pompuan tu bagi dia penampaq, dia kata lagi 'I love you', pompuan tu tampaq lagi dia - KIRI!"

Aku pun kelam kabut kona kiri masuk pekan kecik kat situ. Macam nak terbalik keta aku.

Tak lama lepaih tu, akhirnya sampai kami kat rumah kenduri tu. Alhamdulillah...

Mana dengan nak bercerita, mana dengan nak bagi direction. Hang bagi bercantum na, Ijah?
Nasib baik aku kenai hang lama, Ijah oi...

WHEN ANIS GOES TO VIETNAM

It was Nov 1st, 4.30pm. I was running like a headless chicken in the office when I saw Kak Lina came back from her meeting with the client. She looked like...how do I express this in writing...erm...oh! She looked like someone just told her that Chuck Norris was gay.

She put down her laptop, looked at me (still the same look), and asked, "How's your schedule in the next 3 days?"

"I'll be busy with FAs. Sorry, no. Let me rephrase myself. I'll be busy with A LOT of FAs. Why?" I asked back and wondering whether Chuck Norris was really gay.

"You have to go to Vietnam tomorrow."

"WHAT?! I have to go to Vietnam?!"

"Yes," she answered, still maintaining the same look and expression. Wow she's good at this!

"Vietnam the country, Vietnam?" I said. Well it doesn't hurt to double confirm, right?

"Yes, Hanis."

"Tomorrow? What time?"

"Your flight will be at 6am."

"WHAT?!!!!"

So yeah, a bomb dropped on my head that day. It was so last minute that I didn't have the time to exchange money, or prepare a proper handover to my bosses.

But despite the rush, I was excited.
This was my first time going to Vietnam and I was actually looking forward to it.

When we arrived in Vietnam, the first place we went was client's new office in Hanoi, which will be launched by the Minister of Tourism in a few days. It was a nice, clean, and cozy office. After our erm.. briefing session i.e. a reminder session that we were there to work, not makan angin, we had lunch and headed to our hotel.

We were staying at this nice hotel which name I can't remember. But what I remember is that the room was super cute, cozy and the bed...let's say you'll be struggling with yourself to get out of it. I was sharing the room with my boss, Puilin.

I was admiring the bed when I heard Puilin called me, "Hanis. Look."

I turned around and saw her pointing at the bathroom. It was all glass wall. I mean you can see the shower from your bed, man! Ni honeymoon room ke apa nih?! I thought to myself. Isk... macamana aku nak bermandi-manda nih? Takkan tak mandi kot?!

"It's ok.. they have blinds!" Puilin said while pulling down the blinds. Oh thank God! However, it didn't cover the whole glass wall. Still boleh nampak di celah-celah blinds tu. Erkk.

I looked at Puilin again, "Puilin, I'm not rich. I don't have money..."

Puilin looked confused. And a little concerned, actually.

Then I continued, "... there's no use if you record a video or snap a picture of me showering and threaten me to give you money otherwise you'll upload it on YouTube or something."

She looked at me and said, "Don't worry, Hanis. Whatever you have, I have too."

After confirming that she wouldn't do anything, aku pun mandi dengan penuh berhati-hati. Then both of us bersiap and headed back to client's office to work.

Our working station was in this nice meeting room. It has two doors, separated by a wide glass wall, nicely decorated with Tourism Malaysia posters and images.

Kerja punya kerja punya kerja, Nina (bukan nama sebenar) our client who came along with us from Malaysia, Puilin and I felt hungry. Before we went out, we asked the director, En. Akbal (bukan nama sebenar) and a few of his officers whether they wanted to join. Unfortunately they were too busy to even eat, so Nina, Puilin and I proceeded without them. (Mentioning clients' name here although bukan nama sebenar automatically puts me in a formal writing mode. Proceeded?)

So anyway, lepas makan, kami kembali ke office nak siapkan kerja for the day.
I was walking towards to the meeting room when I saw En. Akbal from his room, having a discussion with someone. I looked at him, smiled and just when I thought I had reached the door, I turned and..

BANGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!

For a minute there I thought I saw stars everywhere. And when I could see clearly again, I saw Nina and Puilin laughing their asses off. I could see tears coming down on their cheeks.

OH MY GOD DID I JUST RUN INTO THE GLASS WALL?! IN CLIENT'S NEW OFFICE?!! IN FRONT OF EVERYONE??!!! OMG THIS IS BEYOND HORRIFYING! HOW DO I FACE THE CLIENTS AFTER THIS???!! HOW DO I FACE MYSELF?!??!!

But then, I said to myself "This may be the beginning of the ultimate humiliation of my life, but it's not the end of the world. Nasik dah jadi buboq Anis oi... face it je la..."

While rubbing my forehead, I walked to my seat. Nyut-nyut-nyut rasa aih.
As I sat down, I looked at Nina and Puilin, and said, "That's ME launching this office."

See the mark in that circle? Yeah that was me. I hope the mark isn't there anymore!

BILA AKU CONFIDENT

It was late at night and I was waiting for the elevator at the office.

"Ting!" (bosanla bunyi lif mcm ni. Nak tukaq)

"GEDEBUISH!" The elevator opened the door. It brought me down to level P, opened the door and my colleagues Andrea and Nisha came in.

'Laaa tak balik lagi budak-budak ni.' Terdetik di hati walaupun 'budak-budak' lagi tua daripada aku.

So we went down to the car park at the basement together. Andrea and I parked nearby but Nisha said she parked jauh sikit.

We said our goodbyes, and headed to keta masing-masing. Masa nak keluar dari basement tu, aku bertembung dengan satu keta Mazda ni.

"Ha! Ni mesti Nisha!" I said to myself, walaupun tak penah tau si Nisha ni bawak keta Mazda ka, keta sorong ka, sorong papan tarik papan ka. Walaubagaimanapn, dengan excitednya, aku pn buat la lampu liplap-liplap dua tiga kali sambil menyanyikan lagu raya ke arah keta Nisha.

Tapi sayang seribu kali sayang. Tu bukan keta Nisha pn!! Keta mamat mana ka. Tapi bagus mamat ni. Walaupun aku buat mcm tu, dia rileks buat tak tau ja. Cuba kalau aku terbuat kat gangster kampung makam ka, KL gangster ka, mau dia tunggu aku tepi jalan nak belasah. Lagi terok kalau dia silau tinggi masa drive malam. Aku pulak dok pi bagi tambah silau lagi kat dia.

Lepaih aku dh elok pi bagi lampu liplap kat mamat tu, apa lagi... tunggu dia hilang drp pandangan la.

Inilah orang-orang tua kata "TAK DAK PASAI PI CARI PASAI."

Aku la orang tua tu.

KALAU AKU KURANG AJAQ

Pagi yang tak berapa pagi td, aku dan Azy bercadang untuk breakfast di Subway dekat-dekat dengan rumah aku di Shah Alam seksyen 7 ni. Walaupun dh macam-macam cerita aku dengaq pasai service kat Subway seksyen 7 ni, aku kira cincai la.. sebab ketaq lutut semua punya lapaq. Azy pn aku dok nampak dua td. So I thought, it couldn't be that bad. Pi ja la.

Bila dh order nak makan apa, minah tu bubuh la daging, teloq dengan cheese.
Masa kat tempat nak bubuh sayoq-sayoq tu, aku nampak cili jeruk.

Aku bisik kat Azy, "Kalau aku mai bawak char koay teow, mintak depa boh ni ataih char koay teow aku, hang rasa depa bagi tak?"

"Depa nanti benti keja teruih," Azy jawab.

Fuh, nasib beik aku tak buat lagi.

Lepaih dh order makanan, mai la time nak bayaq.
Budak laki kat kaunter tu keja alahai.. lemah gemalai. Sampai ada traffic jam la kira dalam Subway tu sebab lambat sangat. "Kira guna sempoa apa dia ni" terdetik hati aku.

Bila tiba masa kami nak bayaq, dia tanya aku, "Makan kat sini ke, bawak balik?"

"Makan kat sini." aku jawab.

Lepas tu, aku nampak dia nak boh coffee aku dalam plastic bag.

Aku kata lagi sekali, "Makan sini."

(KALAU AKU KURANG AJAQ)
"Aku kata makan sini. makan sini. MAKAN SINI. punya dekat aku cakap tak dengaq ka? nak kena guna microphone, speaker 2,3 bijik, berdiri ataih stage kot baru nak dengaq."

Lepaih dia dh boh coffee aku dan Azy kat dalam talam (tudia talam), dia dok diri buat rileks.
Tisu, gula, stirrer semua tak bagi.

Aku pn mintak la. "Tisu dik?"

(KALAU AKU KURANG AJAQ)
"Tisu tak dak? Habih tu aku nak sapu mulut dengan apa? Dengan tudung deni?" sambil menunding jari ke arah Azy.

Lepaih dia letak tisu, dia berdiri rileks lagi. Gula tak bagi pn.
Isk tak boleh aku aih. Sabaq Anis, sabaq...

"Erm... gula?" Aku cakap lagi.

(KALAU AKU KURANG AJAQ)
"Ni aku nak kena pi perah tebu pulak ka nak dapat gula?"

Dia letak 4 bungkuih gula dalam talam tu. Lepaih tu mcm biasa, dia berdiri rileks lagi.
Aku rasa hobi dia kot berdiri rileks ni.

"Errr... stirrer?" aku kata sambil menahan ayaq mata darah keluaq daripada mata aku. (Ha la takkan mata Azy pulak!)

(KALAU AKU KURANG AJAQ)
"Lepaih aku boh gula, aku nak kacau dengan apa? Dengan jari aku?!"

Tapi Alhamdulillah, walaupun service depa ni agak teruk, aku dapat menahan kesabaran dan tidak menjadi kurang ajaq.

Lain kali kalau pi makan kat sana, aku rasa patut ditegur baik-baik so that they improve their weaknesses and InsyaAllah, provide better service. That's how it should be.

And yes, mestilah AZY yang kena tegoq. Aku ni penakot.

THE MUSIC OF MY LIFE

I was listening to a DIY mixed CD in my car the other day. Didn't know what songs were in it, since I had it for the longest time and was too lazy to put a label on it. So I just played it.

It was English ballad songs from Babyface, Mariah Carey, 98 Degrees and Celine Dion.
Yes, these are my favourite singers back then until now. Their songs, so far, have not been able to bore me.

In fact, as I grow, the way I listen to these songs are different from when I was 15 years old. I listen closely to the music arrangement, how beautiful the lyrics were written. Things like that.

But one thing remains the same. The memories.

Do you realize how music can bring you back to the exact place you heard it the first time?
How you felt, what you experienced. Yes, this is what I like the most about music.

The first song in the CD was "Invisible Man" by 98 Degrees.

Gosh, I can hear this song over and over and over again. In fact I'm listening to it now while writing this (nak amik feel lah) and keeping it on loop. I suggest you guys listen to the songs too while reading this :)

It brought me back to 1999. 98 Degrees were a big hit at that time, and they were coming to Malaysia. I was a teenager, with pimples all over my face, dreaming I was gonna be an architect and marry Jeff Timmons. I was so excited about them coming and planned to check them out at this mall which I can't remember the name. I think the mall no longer exist now. So I went there with my best friend. I remember I bought a teddy bear for Jeff Timmons. It was a blue teddy bear.

Oh.. don't you just love how innocent you used to be when you were a teenager and in love with a star? (If only I had a time machine, I'd go back and smack that teddy bear on my own 15 year-old head, saying "A teddy bear? You might as well get a pink one with ribbons all over it.")

Then the CD brought me further. "Someone To Love" by Babyface.

Oh yes.. the first love. The first time having a crush on a guy, sorry, a boy. And he liked me too! We declared ourselves as girlfriend and boyfriend. He used to give me love letters with nice-smelling powders sprinkled on it! I guess back then they didn't have that nice-smelling paper commercialized yet, so you had to DIY it. And plus, we were 12. Give us a break.

It was also the first and last time I ever received a mixed tape from a guy. Sorry again. A boy. (I hate how old I feel right now!)
"Someone To Love" was one of the songs in that mixed tape. And I've been in love with that song ever since.
But unfortunately, not the boy. I hope he's doing good now, though. I hope he has met his "someone to love" while I'm still searching for mine. (hint, hint!)

Then Mariah Carey came in with "When I Saw You".

Another love story. Well, not love, love. It wasn't love when the guy you fell in love with never spoke to you and looked at you maybe twice in his life, was it? Sorry, ACCIDENTALLY looked cause you dropped your papan Lukisan Kejuruteraan in the middle of the school canteen.

Uh-huh. I was in high school - Sekolah Menengah Teknik Tunku Abdul Rahman Putra, Penang. I had this HUGE crush on a guy named Khairil Fedzal Kamal. Ok, instead of feeling like a loser that I can still remember his full name, I'm gonna opt for the fact that I have good memory.

Ok back to the story. I fell in love with him the first time I saw him. From then, I observed *cough - stalked* his interests cause I wanted to get his attention. I had a plan. I wasn't just a random observer *cough - stalker*.
I managed to track his interest - football. He loved it. I could still remember seeing him practice almost every day after school. He looked so handsome in his jersey.. sigh.

Oh, one more thing. You must also know that I used to draw a lot at that time. Mostly potraits of celebrities. So I thought, if I gave him my drawings, maybe he'd come and say thanks. And then we'll get to know each other, and he'll fall in love with me effortlessly. So I started drawing football stars in action! FYI I had never drew whole-body potraits before because for me it was very difficult. My first try turned David Beckham into David Arumugam. (no offense, David Arumugam. I love your songs!) After a few trials, I managed to get it right. The question was, how was I gonna hand it to him? I couldn't do it myself! I REFUSED to hand it to him myself. I didn't wanna end up saying "HiI'minlovewithyousoIthoughtyouwouldlovethisdrawingcauseyoulovefootballandIhopeyouwilllovemetooandwe'dmakebeautifulkidstogether."

To avoid him filing a police report on me, I found myself a middle person. His name was Azril. He was kinda cute though. But I was so focusing on Khairil that nobody was cute to me back then. Sorry guys.
Azril used to help me hand all my drawings to Khairil. And the upah was, since he was a fan of my drawings, I had to give HIM a drawing too. So I was drawing double.

So yeah... I love music and its ability to make me remember all these memories and bring a huge smile to my face.
Music brings me back to the place when life was so much simpler and in this case, how easy it was to fall in love.

Now life is becoming harder to deal with. Worst of all, I find it so hard to fall in love.
Yes, you know what this means.

It's time to play "All by Myself" by Celine Dion.