Sunday, December 23, 2012

TOUGH WEEK

Assalamu'alaikum wbt.

I'm sitting beside tok ayah, listening to one of his stories back when he was young. We are both at University Malaya Medical Centre. Yes, tok ayah is in the hospital, admitted for his lung infection and low blood pressure. It's been 5 days now.

I gotta say, this week has been one of the toughest week for me this year.

I screwed up at work. Lately I have been screwing up with work very frequently that I hate myself for it. I lost focus, I was exhausted, I was stressed. Too many things to do, too little time to do it. I was overwhelmed.

It started all on last Wednesday.
At the same time I received news about tok ayah's lung infection. I broke down.

Let's not elaborate.
Enough said that I was frustrated with myself in terms of work, and I was sad thinking about tok ayah.

It's funny how when all these happen, there's no one here with me. I mean physically. My parents are far away, my best friends are away. I'm all alone. And I feel even more depressed. And I have never felt this lonely in a long time.

But then again, this is a test from Allah. Every now and then, my faith to Him has to be tested. What is faith without tests? Right? Life is not a walk in the park. Life is tough. As long as this depression brings me closer to Him, I will take it.

I believe this test is a way of Him showing me how much I am loved and blessed.

So yes, I can face this.

I will get through this, with Him by my side and in my heart. I will have the strength. Because my strength lies in knowing that He is here for me, no matter what. When no one is here with me, He is. When no one shows they care, He does. When I don't believe in myself, He believes in me.

And for Him, I will get through this.

May Allah swt be with me and all of you through our hard times. May our hard times strengthen our relationship with Him. And may we all be reminded that at the end of the day, He is all that matters.

Ameen Ya Rabbal'alamin.

Friday, December 7, 2012

ADAM & HAWA

This morning Azy buzzed me at YM. 

Tiba-tiba, dia tulis "Kenapa cium kain tu... cium laa tuan yg kasi kain tu."

"Hang ni pasaipa dengan tak semena-mena ni punya gatai? Bila masa hang bagi aku kain?" aku jawab. Musim mengawan ka ni? Bisik hati ku. 

"Aku dok tengok Adam & Hawa rah! Sweettttt sangat...!" dia menjawab. 

Ooh.. yeah, drama ni memang tengah hot skarang. 
Adam & Hawa is everywhere - in Facebook, Twitter. Everyone is talking about how sweet, romantic this drama is. Maybe I'll check it out when I have the time.

"Kenapa cium kain tu... cium laa tuan yang kasi kain tu." 

Memang sweet. 
Aku yang baru dengaq ni pun berbunga-bunga hati, tersengih macam kerang busuk di depan laptop ni. Belum lagi tengok cerita ni. Kalau tengok, aku tak tau la nak gatai lagu mana. Takot la pulak nak tengok cerita ni!

"Sinilah sayang... Tempat isteri kan di sisi suami." Azy menaip lagi. 

PERGH! Memang cayaq terok la aku. 

Azy menyambung, "Aku klau a guy call me 'sayang'... DAH LOMPAT TINGGI... LOMPAT BINTANG SUMA."

Aku pulak jawab, "Aku kalau husband aku panggil aku 'sayang', aku bukan kata lompat bintang, LOMPAT KATAK, LOMPAT KANGAROO semua sekali kot." 

"Kalau Ijah nnt KETUK KETAMPI la kot," Azy menambah. 

"Lepaih ketuk ketampi, dia nanti LARI DALAM GUNI pulak," aku boh lagi nasik tambah kot ataih. 

So to all guys out there, lihatlah betapa gembiranya if you call your spouse dengan romantiknya. "Sayang", "Sweetheart", "Darling" etc memang boleh melembutkan lagi hati wanita yang dah sememangnya lembut. 

Yes, it is a given that you love your wife. 

Yes, your wife knows that you love her without saying it. 

But like what Mufti Menk said, "Your wife is given ears by Allah swt, and you are given a mouth by Allah swt. So tell her how much you love her, because she needs to hear it." 

Same goes to all of us, ladies. 
Same goes to us. 

May Allah swt grant us happiness with our spouse in life and the hereafter. 
Ameen Ya Rabbal'alamin. 
 
Ya Allah, kurniakan aku seorang suami yang soleh. Ameen.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

TWILIGHT THE BIJIK SAGA - Breaking Dawn Part 2

Yesterday Azy and I went to watch Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2. I am not a Twilight fan. I just don’t get why 2 good-looking guys chasing a girl who doesn’t even have a character. I just don’t get it. Anyway, cik Azimah kita ni la nak tengok sangat Jacob dia tu… benci punya pasai ikut ja la pi.. (sayang tak mau mengaku punya kawan aku ni)

The story shows how Bella has become a vampire, and that Edward and her have a child named Renesmeberry. What? The name is wrong? Haaa.. sebab tu la orang-orang tua pesan jangan dok boh nama anak payah-payah. Siti, Aminah, Rosnah, Sakinah semua dok ada, dok pilih yang susah-susah pasaipa. (tak sedaq diri nama aku Nurisfahanis)

So yeah, they have a computer-generate child. It’s so obvious I find it funny. Even scary. They should’ve spent more time making it look more real. Tapi come to think about it again, tu anak vampire, it IS supposed to look scary. Ok enough about the baby.

Other than the fact that menjadi anak derhaka sebab tinggai mak bapak hanya kerana seorang kekasih, another thing that I find irritating about Bella is her mouth yang constantly ternganga.

Aku bisik kat Azy, “Deni awat suka nganga. Sampai aku terikut ternganga sekali ni. Lengoh mulut aku.”

Then there was a scene where Bella’s dad came to see her for the first time after she became a vampire. Edward whispered to Jacob and the rest of the family, “Let’s give them some privacy guys.”

“Yang deni pulak becakap macam dalam mulut ada emaih pasai pa tak tau. Cakap apapun tak dengaq. Macam penakot ja.. Pontianak penakot ka?!” Azy pulak hangat ati kat Edward sebab tak becakap kuat macam dia.

Aku pun apa lagi.. boh nasik tambah la… “Tula pasai. Becakap lagu orang saket. Kalau lagu ni punya becakap lagu mana nak pi interview keja semua nanti? Memang tak dapat la keja tu...Kalau masuk Kadet Remaja Sekolah, confirm la tak dapat dapat jadi komander!

Dan dalam kegelapan panggung tu, aku boleh “nampak” Azy bagi amboi-deni-menyimpang-terok-aih punya look kat aku.

We arrived at the last scene of the movie.

Bella and Edward were at a beautiful sort of garden, full of flowers in purple. Both of them so deeply in love, Bella expressing how much she loves Edward bla bla bla. And then, she looked at him and said, “I have to tell you something…”

“MENGANDUNG pulak dah?” aku menyampuk ala-ala mami jarum the movie.

Azy yang baru sudah menelan ayaq mineral water yang dibeli di Jusco itu tergelak besaq.

“Hang ni nasib baik aku dan telan ayaq! Kalau tak, tersemboq ayaq aku minum, basah kepala maknya depan ni rah!" 

Kalau la jadi lagu tu, si Voliture and the Cullen & Gang tak jadi berperang dalam movie tu, KAMI yang nanti perang dengan maknya dalam panggung tu. 

What? It's not Voliture? Haa tu la. Boh nama orang jahat pun bukan main punya susah. Tengok P. Ramlee. Dia boh Sarip Dol ja. Sampai lani orang ingat.  

Kesimpulannya, aku tak dak la rasa nak strangle myself after watching this movie. It is okay compared to the last one. 

However, I didn't like the way the director told the story. 

Nothing creative about how it was shot. 

Script pun biasa ja, nothing deep. 

And Bella is very much emotionally disconnected from her daughter. 
I didn't feel her love for Renesmulberryblackberrybold.   

Sekain. Eh, sekian. 

  
Edward dan Bella sedang bercengkerama di bawah sinar lampu minyak tanah.  
Tengok! Tengok cincin pun nak tenganga. Tak penah tengok cincin ka? Awat yang aku dok hangat ati sangat kat Bella ni pun aku tak tau la.






Saturday, October 13, 2012

10 Things I Should Not Do When Riding Motorcycle (but I do it anyway)



  1. Day dreaming (which I’m soo damn good at)
  2. Listening to the radio (because ‘Fafau’ and ‘FBI’ crack me up and simply because it is so damn bored riding a 45-minutes journey listening to the sound of the engine)
  3. Glancing at Volkswagen Golf (it’s too beautiful~~)
  4. Singing (well, I don’t really sing but when it comes to my fav song, sometimes I feel like singing along and that’s when all the dusts from the streets, cars, other motorcycles, buses, lorries, go into my mouth.)
  5. Wearing make up (I’m not really a make up kinda girl but when I’m in the mood, I’ll spend some time to put some on. Then, here comes the rain and there goes my make up. Damn!)
  6. Wearing lipstick (again, the dusts. By the time I get to the office, instead the color of pink, I get the color of black on my lips)
  7. Yawning (again, the dusts)
  8. Passing at the corner (I know it’s dangerous, but, hear me out. When you come across a guy riding at 20km/h, would you wait??? If I run, I’d still be faster that him. I haven’t got all day for God’s sake. I’m late for work!)
  9. Forget to check the side mirror (I do look at it from time to time but there’s a time when I just checked it and all of a sudden this maniac passed me like a hurricane! I could have a heart attack if this happened everyday!)
  10. Sneezing (do you realize that everytime you sneeze, your eyes will automatically close itself? So my friend suggested – pull over if you feel like sneezing. It’s like “I need to stop to sneeze!”)

GOOD CRAP



I was browsing through my hardisk, and found soooo many crap! Good crap, I mean. This is one of it. My chat with an ex-classmate, Eryn. Laughed my ass off when I read this. God I miss her and the rest of the classmates :) 

(She just shared with me lyrics of a song. Masa ni dia tengah dilamun cinta agaknya) 
 
Me: sedapppp
Eryn: hehehhe. nak kasi ko dgr, ko takde earphone
Aku: Lagu sapa tu? Lagu negara uganda ka?
Eryn: vina panduwinata. indon la mangkuk
Me: ooo... aku ingatkan national anthem uganda. pelik gak. cane uganda pandai cakap melayu lak. huhu
Eryn: ko bangang ke bodoh nie
Me: ehehehe. Pelikkan. ko slalu ja kata aku bodoh, bangang, tapi aku tak penah nak kecik ati
Eryn: astaga udang
Me: tapi bile ko bubuh name anak ko xde aura nama aku, aku kecik ati.
Eryn: nasib baik jarak opis ko ngan aku agak jauh. aku sambar kilat motor ko lagik kang. biar tinggal wayar je
Me: moto ade wayar ke?
Eryn: ko seret la wayar tu jenjalan. ade.
Me: wayar kipas opis ko yang ko cucuk kat laptop daus ka? ko pening ke dengan soalan aku ini?
Erynos: huh. aku memang dah penin, ko nak peningkan pun, suke ati ko la. 

Hahaha....! Now is she happily married with 2 kids! 
Time changes everything, but I hope she is still the same, crazy Eryn I know. 

ZAMAN DEGREE



Pada suatu hari, sang rimau berasa sangat boring membuat assignment yang diberikan oleh sang rahim. Lalu sang rimau pun kuar dari habitatnya lalu mencari apa2 jenis sang yang boleh dikacau untuk  menghilangkan kebosanannya itu.

Kira-kira pukul 3 petang macam tu, sang rimau telah sesat lalu ternampak seekor spesis yang panjang ekornye. Sang rimau pun hairan. “Sape lak ni menyemak je kat sini.” bisik sang rimau. Lalu sang rimau pun mendekati makhluk Tuhan yang tak brape seksi itu.

"Ohh berbulu... macam aku jugak.. ,” bisik ati sang rimau apabile melihat makhluk yang berbulu itu. Sang rimau menyembunyikan dirinya di belakang tabir.

Ketika itu makhluk yang berbulu itu sedang membuat sesuatu. "Nampaknye die dah tau aku ade kat blakang tabir ni” bisik sang rimau lagi. Sang rimau bersiap sedia sekiranya makhluk berbulu dan berekor panjang itu menyerangnya. Makhluk itu bergerak, lalu tanpa berfikir panjang lagi, sang rimau menerkam makhluk berbulu dan berekor panjang itu dengan ganas sekali.

"WARRGHHH!!!” sang rimau mengaum. Yang peliknye, tak tekejut pulak si makhluk berbulu dan berekor panjang itu.

Lalu sang rimau pun bertanya, "Nape ko ni? Ape ko buat ni?”

"Aku tengah main SIMS. Jangan kaco aku,” jawab si makhluk yang berbulu dan berekor panjang itu. Lalu sang rimau pun sudah ilang kebosanan dan pulang untuk menghabiskan assignment sang rahim yang akan disubmit esok.

Sekian.

Soalan minggu ini:
1) Apakah nama makhluk berbulu dan berekor panjang di dalam cerpen di atas?

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Kejadian di Rumah Terbuka Tourism Malaysia

My bosses and I went to Tourism Malaysia's Raya Open House today at Putrajaya. 
As soon as we stepped into the hall, I put down my handbag and went straight to get some food. Lapaq tahap ketaq kepala lutut. 

So lepaih amik makanan tu, aku pun makan sambil sembang-sembang dengan my client.
Siap ada entertainment lagi... this lady tengah menyanyi lagu Raya. I asked my client who she was, and she said "Orang Tourism jugak ni... yang dancers tu semua orang Tourism jugak." 

Berbakat besaq orang-orang Tourism ni. 
I feel intimidated. 

Tengah aku layan nasik minyak yang boleh tahan sedapnya tu, tiba-tiba dengaq someone menyanyi lagu ni....


Belaian Jiwa!! One of my all-time favourite Malay songs. 
Dalam hati teruih terdetik... "huish! merdu sungguh mamat Tourism ni menyanyi... boleh jatuh cinta!" 
So aku pun sing along sambil mata tertumpu kat pinggan nasik yang dipenuhi nasik, daging cincang and ayam tandoori tu. Tak kira la mulut penuh nasik ka, tandoori ka, aku nak menyanyi gak. I mean come on, who doesn't know this song should just go jump off a bridge. GO NOW! 

Then, habis ja lagu tu, dia sambung menyanyi lagu ni pulak....


Pergh! Rindu Bayangan pulak dah. Lagu ever green is da bomb!
Makin sedap aih aku rasa ayam tandoori ni. 

I turned to my client, "Fuyooo.. lagu best ni! Dah la suara sedap gila!" 

My client smiled and said, "Tu la pasal..."

I continued, "Tak la, ni suara dia sedap gila sebijik macam Jay Jay kot. Memang best. Berbakat besar ni..." 

Then my client gave me a weird look. She said, "Anis, cuba hang tengok betoi-betoi." 

Aku pun tengok la ke arah pentas tu.
Patut la suara macam Jay Jay.......  
DAH MEMANG JAY JAY DOK MENYANYI ANIS OI.....! 

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

AKU DAN SURAT RASMI

Pada suatu pagi yang hening yang sejuk teketaq-ketaq (my desk is right below the air-con), I was preparing to write an official letter until I remembered that I FORGOT how an official letter looked like. So I thought "ooookkk..." and the first person that popped out of my head was my PA tak bergaji, Azy.

I buzzed her via YM.

Me: Popia! Surat rasmi kan
Azy: yes
Me: nama & alamat kita belah kiri kan? then nama and alamat penerima kat bawah? Lupa dh. hahahaha
Azy: sat... hg nk antaq p gomen ka
Me: PTPTN
Azy: o... sat aku emel contoh.

Tengok betapa efficientnya PA aku?!

Azy: http://kelasbmspm.blogspot.com/2009/06/karangan-format-surat-rasmi.html

Aku (dalam hati) Blog kelab mana la pulak deni bagi kat aku ni...? Kelab Budak-budak Moto ka? Susah hati nak bukak aih. Dengan lafaz Bismillahirrahmanirahim, aku pun click link tersebut. Tudia sekali Kelab Pengakap. Aku ingat nak mintak dia cari blog Pandu Puteri punya sebab dulu aku Pandu Puteri, tapi takot dia bertukaq jadi The Hulk pulak bulan-bulan posa ni. So tak jadi la.

Aku: font kena guna Times New Roman ka?
Azy: Arial / Times New Roman, font size 11 @ 12. size 72 pn elok
Aku: ha 72 ok gak kan? baru tebai sket surat aku. ptptn terima takot nak bukak apa. apa punya tebai.
Azy: 1 ayat tak lepaih kertaih selai.
Aku: NAMA aku pun tak lepaih aih. sikit punya panjang ka nama. nama, alamat aku ja, 4 lai. last2, depa nanti stamp: TIDAK DILULUSKAN. PEMOHON SAKET OTAK.
Azy: hahaahah
Aku: NINDIA. Nak taip TUAN, p taip TUNA. Nasib baik perasan, kalau dak, dapat pulak stamp lagi satu: TIDAK DILULUSKAN. PEMOHON KORANG AJAQ.
Azy: style OKU punya.

Nak tulis surat rasmi pun sempat lagi reka cerita rakyat.
Saja buat ramai!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

KEJADIAN DI STARBUCKS MASALAM

My daily Ramadan routine on a weekday is get back from work, buy food for iftar, solat Maghrib, and head straight to Masjid Sultan Salahudin Abdul Aziz Shah. I'm just in love with this mosque. If you guys have the chance, come perform tarawih here.

Masa remaja-remaja dulu, rajin la pakai baju kurung, pakai tudung lawa-lawa, bawak telekung and only pakai telekung once masuk masjid.

Lani?

Long sleeve t-shirt, track bottom, and teruih serelom telekung siap-siap. Habis cerita. Selesa pun selesa. Kalau pakai elok-elok pun bukan ada orang nak mai masuk meminang. *emo*

So yeah, that is my daily routine and daily outfit to the mosque so far since Ramadan started.

But tonight..... was a little bit special.

I realised that it has been 4 days since I had coffee! That is like, a big crime for coffee drinkers.
So, I was determined to get my usual Venti Iced Vanilla Latte at Starbucks Plaza Shah Alam, also known as Masalam for short.

After performing tarawih, I headed to my car, which was parked quite far away from the mosque, and I actually sesat. Menghala ke jalan lain. Aku salahkan mamat comel yang berjubah dan berkopiah di perkarangan masjid tadi. Nampak dia teruih telupa park keta kat mana.... hmmmm...

Anyways, lepaih dah jumpa Kenderaan Pendek aku, I went in, and I put on my bibik Myanmar tudung. It's the easiest tudung I have. How do I make you gentlemen understand how easy it is... Oh! It's like a clip-on tie. Except that this one is a tudung, so you don't wrap it around your neck, you put it on your head. Got it? Great!

So I hid under my telekung and put on the clip-on-bibik-Myanmar tudung. Tadaaa! Siap!

Excitedly, I drove. I think I was smiling all the way to Starbucks. Yeah, that's how excited I was to get my coffee.

I finally arrived. I went out of the car, in my clip-on, bibik Myanmar tudung, my lame long sleeve t-shirt, my nineteen ringgit track bottom and selipar.

Berjalan dengan lajunya, tak tengok kiri kanan, I entered Starbucks. "Ahhhh...." aku menghirup udara tak brapa segar tapi bau coffee yang sedap dalam Starbucks tersebut. Lepaih ordered my coffee, I waited kat tepi counter tu.

I didn't bring my phone, so I was kinda mati kutu nak buat apa sambil menunggu tu. Dah la tengah low self-esteem sebab berpakaian tak menepati cita rasa sendiri. But then I thought... whatever. Bukannya nak terjumpa siapapun. Nak quickly get coffee ja pun.

Tiba-tiba, aku tertengok kat luar and I couldn't believe my eyes. Wait... this can't be possible...!

ANUAR ZAIN?
ANUAR ZAIN??!!
ANUAR ZAIN!!!!!!!

OMG YES! Anuar Zain was there, having coffee and lepaking with his friends, looking all handsome and perfect!

My oh my... I used to have a crush on this guy. But that was a long time ago, before I found out Ryan Gosling exists. But still, after seeing him before my eyes, tiba-tiba rasa ada crush balik kat dia. (Don't worry, Ryan. You're still number 2 on my list.) 
 
Kalau diikutkan hati, nak ja aku pi kat dia and kata,"Haish... Anuar Zain oh Anuar Zain... Masa aku pakai elok-elok, pakai kasut tinggi lima belaih inci, bubuh bedak banyak-banyak, tonyoh blusher sampai merah mcm bijik saga, di mana hang? Di mana?! DI MANA??!! Masa aku pakai tudung keramat ni jugak la hang muncui. Ha elok, elok... Elok sangat! Lani kita putuih!"

Akibat takut di ban daripada pi Starbucks tu lagi, aku memutuskan untuk tidak menurutkan hati dan perasaan, lalu beredar dengan sopannya dari Starbucks tersebut.

The End.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

AMAZING DISCOVERY ABOUT MYSELF

Today I discovered something that I never knew about myself.
Something quite amazing, that can rarely be found in anyone else.

It happened when Kak Lina and I were on our way to this one launch event at KLCC.
We were at Jalan Ipoh. You know, the all-the-time-packed road. 

I was speeding at 30km/h when I had to stop at the traffic light. (I think the word "speed" is offended by the way I'm using it in this context but whatever. I do feel like offending the word "speed" today, so whatever. Do I look like I care, "speed"?!)

Anyway, back to the amazing discovery about myself.
There was a woman waiting to cross the street. So I stopped the car before her.

She hesitated, not sure what to do. So she just stood there.

And then... I raised my hand, and waved it to the side. My oh my... SHE MOVED! She walked and crossed the street!

That's when I discovered that I have the ability to make people before me cross the street by using my hand! It's like magic. Uh huh. 
 
It was the most awesome moment today.

The End.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

"BECAKAP BUKAN MAIN PANDAI!"

Last week I went back to Penang with Aunty Bayah and her family. 
We, of course, melawat Dhoby Ghaut. A place where I grew up. The best place in the world. 

So jumpala relatives yang dah berbulan-bulan tak jumpa.. 

It's amazing how fast children grow up. Aku tengok anak Abg Ril, Hidayah and Adiba. Dua-dua orang dah in primary school now. Akmal, Syafiq cucu Mak Nah, semua dah nampak lain. Dulu aku la dok mengajaq budak-budak ni mengaji kat rumah mak tok. Kena marah sebab asyik la dok besembang kalah pompuan. Meneraih tak mau.  

No wonder orang-orang tua dulu bila dah lama tak tengok aku nanti dok kata "dah besaq dah! dulu dok nampak la dia bejalan pi masjid dengan bedak betampung." NOW I understand why they said that every time they saw me.

Bila aku tengok Hidayah (anak sulung Abg Ril and Kak Nora), teringat masa dia umoq 5 tahun dulu. She was so cute. So bijak becakap. You know how kids nowadays bijak bila becakap, right? Whatever that comes out from their mouth is unpredictable. So Dayah ni was that kind of kid.  

I was still studying when she was 5. So during this one semester break, I went back to Dhoby Ghaut. I would hang out with her and her sister Adiba. Saja main-main, layan sembang dengan depa. So pada suatu petang yang hening... aku bejalan ke rumah Abg Ril (which is just next to mak tok's house). 

Bila aku masuk, aku dengaq Dayah dok menangeh terok. 
Aku jalan masuk lagi ke dapoq, and tengok Kak Nora (her mom) dok bagi mandi dia sambil dok beletiaq. Dayah kept on crying. Teresak-esak sampai sedu la kira. 

"Laaa... awat Dayah nangeh sayang?" aku pun bertanya. 

"Ha, bagitau la kat Kak Anis pasai pa dok menangeh! Bagitau cepat!" Kak Nora trigger dia. 

Dia tengok aku dengan muka mintak simpati. Merah mata-mata punya menangeh campoq ayaq masuk dalam mata mak dia dok juruih ayaq ataih kepala. 

"Bagitau la cepat!" Kak Nora sambung marah. 

Dayah sambung menangeh. Isk... kesian aih aku tengok. Silap-silap aku yang join Dayah menangeh ni. 

"Awat Kak Nora?" aku tanya. 

"Ni Anis..." Kak Nora mula bercerita sambil tunjuk-tunjuk kat mulut Dayah.."mulut ni... mulut ni... cakap bukan main punya pandai! Menjawab kita cakap apa semua bukan main lagi. KENCING tak mau habaq!"

Aku renggah gelak kat depan toilet. Yes, at that time Kak Nora was potty training her.
"La.... dia kencing kat mana??" I said, digging for more info. 

"Tu kat depan tu. Kat area Abg Ril dok buat keja tu dia pi kencing," Kak Nora cakap, sambil jari tunjuk kat depan. Dayah diam ja dok dengaq mak dia bercerita al-kisah dia. 

"Isk isk.. Lain kali Dayah nak kencing, Dayah habaq la kat mama, ok? Kesian mama nak kena cuci semua nanti.." aku cakap dengan lemah gemalai kat dia. 

Kak Nora jirus ayaq kat badan dia, "Ni, lepaih ni, amik mop, pi mop pi cuci kat depan tu! Mama takdak nak buat. Dayah kencing, Dayah basuh sendiri!" 

Dalam menangeh tersedu-sedu tu, she turned to her mom and asked, "Mana mop?" 

"Tudia mop!" Kak Nora cakap sambil tunjuk kat mop. Mop tu dok tergantung kat dinding pancoq tu. 

Dayah kalih tengok mop yang tergantung tinggi tu, lalu berkata..."tak sampai nak ambik." 

Dengan Kak Nora, dengan aku skali renggah gelak kat situ. 
Nak marah semua tak jadi. Isk.. Dayah... Dayah...

Come to think about it, I didn't have the chance to ask arwah mak tok how did she potty train me. Aku dok gelak kat Dayah, ntah-ntah aku lagi terok daripada dia. 

Dia kencing kat area bapak dia buat keja. Ntah-ntah, aku pi kencing kat area pokok bunga jejarum mak tok. Tu yang suboq elok ja pokok bunga tu dulu.    

Friday, June 22, 2012

"JANGAN BAGI MUKA!"

I was talking to Azy last night during our dinner, how different the way parents teach their children during our time, the time before us, and today.

So terkeluaq la macam-macam scenarios yang we talked about.

Scenario #1: Anak kena pukui dengan cikgu sebab nakai macam jemuan. 

Zaman sekarang
Parents go to the school, complain to the principal about the teacher. 
Anak depa yang betoi. Cikgu salah. "Berani cikgu pukui anak kami! Kami saman sekolah ni!" katanya...

Zaman dulu 
Anak menangeh-nangeh balik dari sekolah. 

"Awat hang Ril?" tanya bapak. 

"Kena pukui dengan cikgu," kata Ril sambil mengesat ayaq mata yang bercucuran jatuh.

"Awat cikgu pukui hang?" tanya bapak lagi. 

"Tak tau la.." jawab Ril.

So keesokkan harinya, bapak pun pi la sekolah jumpa cikgu yang pukui Ril... 
Ril rasa lega la cikgu tu nak kena "berus" dengan bapak dia. 

"Cikgu, toksah dok bagi muka kat deni. Kalau jahat, bagi ja. Lemak lebih ni dok bagi muka! Lain kali dok buat perangai loklaq dia, bagi ja tang tengah belakang tu," bapak tiba-tiba pi bagi kebenaran kat cikgu lagi.

Ril menangeh lagi terok selepas kejadian tersebut. 

Scenario #2: Anak/cucu menjawab cakap mak bapak/nenek/tok ayah dan yang sewaktu dengannya.

Zaman sekarang 
Lani semua anak-anak selamba ja menjawab cakap mak bapak. Kononnya, they need to express themselves. Express, express jugak, tapi kalau dah sampai tahap kurang ajaq, sendiri la pikiaq. 

Mak bapak pun terima ja lani anak-anak menjawab. 
Kadang-kadang tu dah macam tak dak control over the kids.

Zaman dulu
"Anis apa hang dok tengok TV tu saja. Pi ambik penyapu sapu rumah, sapu keliling rumah semua," mak tok memberi arahan sambil memasak gulai ikan di dapur. 

"Sat la..." Anis menjawab sambil mata terpaku kat skrin TV. 

"Pi ambik LANI jugak penyapu tu cepat. Aku tak boleh tangguh-tangguh keja ni," mak tok memberi amaran pertama. 

"Alaaa... orang nak tengok TV pun tak senang," Anis membisik. 

"Apa hang kata?! Kata lagi sekali aku nak dengaq! Ni aku dok tumbuk sambai belachan ni, aku ramaih mulut hang dengan cabai ni kot nanti! Jawab lagi sekali aku nak dengaq!" mak tok meletup, sambil tala lesung batu kat aku. 

Anis yang ketaq satu badan terus bangun dan mencapai penyapu yang dibeli di Sin Lam Bee itu.

Scenario #3: Anak kena gigit tebuan.

Zaman sekarang 
Alahai... kesiannya!! Cepat la bawak pi hospital.. Pi hospital swasta la toksah dok pi hospital kerajaan oi...., lambat!!

Zaman dulu 
Ril balik sambil menangeh-nangeh. 

Bapak, "Awat hang?"

"Dok main bola td kat padang, tak tau bila tebuan gigit," Ril jawab sambil tersedu-sedu menangeh. 

"Allah... tebuan gigit dok buat lagu kena patok ulaq senduk. Pi suruh mak hang boh ubat," kata bapak sambil menyambung baca paper di beranda. 

"Saket tau... aaaa...," kata Ril sambil menangeh. 

"Hang anak jantan ka tak? Toksah dok buat lembik terok. Hang menangeh lagi aku nak tengok. Menangeh! Aku nanti BAGI lagi kot ataih lagi terok dari tebuan, lagi terok dari ulaq senduk. Hang menangeh aku nak tengok," bapak warned. 

Sengap teruih Ril. 

Scenario #4: Bila anak/cucu nak pi bejalan-jalan. 

Zaman sekarang 
Sekarang nak pi mana-mana, dekat 5 minit saja pun nak naik keta.
Kalau rumah sebelah One Utama pun, nak naik keta jugak because walking now is a criminal. 

Nak naik public transport lagi la. Some children nowadays tak penah naik public transport selama depa hidup. "Public transport ni sesak, lambat, susah, troublesome." katanya...  

Zaman dulu
"Anis, apa yang hang dok besiap punya lama? Nak pi Komtar cabok tu pun nak besiap pakai bulu mata tumpang semua ka?" mak tok berkata dari bawah. 

"Ha ni dok mai dah...!" Anis berkata sambil turun tangga. Seronok tak terkata di hati sebab nanti nak makan McDonald's kat Komtar.

Anis and mak tok walked to the bus stop. 
Yes, they didn't have a car. Bus awam, lancha (beca) and teksi sapu (unregistered cab) were their transport.

Sampai ja kat bus stop, they saw a bus just went away. Alamak! Jenoh nak kena tunggu for the next one. 

"Mak tok, jom kita naik teksi sapu tu. Nak tunggu lama ni. Panaih pulak," Anis said to mak tok. 

So mak tok and Anis went to the teksi sapu... 
"Seram aih aku tengok teksi ni. Macam nak reban ja," kata Anis di dalam hati.

"Apek, berapa pi Komtar?" mak tok membuka pintu passenger dan bertanya apek teksi tersebut. 

"Komtar ar? 6 linggit," apek tersebut menjawab. 

"Apa hang ni punya merapu sampai 6 ringgit apek oi?! Belakang hidung punya dekat sampai 6 ringgit?! Cekik darah apa ni! 6 ringgit boleh beli popia depan hospital 5 bungkuih tau dak! Tak mau la!" mak tok berkata sambil menghempas pintu teksi tersebut. 

Nasib baik tak roboh teksi sapu yang ancient tu. 

"Mengarut sangat sampai 6 ringgit. Tunggu ja bas sampai. Panaih pi la sikit," mak tok berkata sambil memegang tangan Anis dan berjalan menuju semula ke bus stop. 

Yes, the way children are raised by parents then and now is very different.  

Dulu lagi brutal, dictator style. You have no say, I make the calls for you. You just follow. 
And we didn't rebel. We know that they did that for our own good. To shape us to be who we are today - stronger, independent, tak manja, tak lembik, tak mudah give-up.  

Yang paling best, kita pernah rasa susah, kita pernah lalui zaman kena kejar bus because we didn't want to wait for another hour for the next one, just to go to Kampung Makam yang just a few minutes away tu. 

And we faced it together with our parents/grandparents. When we get through the roughest journey in life together, we get through everything and anything together. We grow closer, we appreciate each other even more.

Alhamdulillah, my grandparents and parents have set excellent examples to me. 
To my future kids, hangpa tunggu la ke-Che Jam-an aku yang akan menyerlah nanti. Tunggu la hangpa... 

Saturday, June 16, 2012

APABILA MAMAT McD DELIVERY LAMBAT

It was almost 1am.
Azy and I were watching Netherland VS Denmark on TV3.

"Azy, aku lapaq ketaq kepala otak ni. Nak call McD. Hang mau dak?" aku bertanya kawanku si Azimah binti Abdul Aziz yang berasal dari Penang itu.

Well, actually I wasn't THAT hungry. I have this habit of having to eat and drink something when I watch TV. Tak kira la watching football ka, Game of Thrones ka (by the way, I don't advise you to eat fried chicken while watching Game of Thrones, especially during the war scene. Bad, bad idea. Believe me). And I hate junk food. I hate keropok or biscuits. My junk food is either burger, or fried chicken or sausages. So yeah. 

"Boleh jugak. Aku pun lapaq gila ni," she answered while her eyes fixed on her phone.

So I called McD, placed our orders and was informed that it'd arrive within 45 minutes.
Alamak... sempat ka? Sempat kot.. Hantam sajalah.

"Hish... aku order McD ni sebab nak makan sambil tengok bola. Hopefully cepat la sampai," aku *beletiaq kat diri sendiri.

45 minit berlalu...
And the game was over. I was so angry I could eat Azy at that time. The thing is, Azy was angry that she could eat 2 of me.

"Assalamualaikum!!" suara mamat McD Delivery kedengaran di luar pintu rumah.

Aku mencapai tudung bibik Myanmar (org Myanmar Islam punya ni), jaket rock yang dulu aku guna masa merempit dan menuju ke arah pintu. Sabaq, Anis... sabaq.

"Azy, hang pi serelom tudung!" aku kata kat Azy sebelum bukak pintu. Dia pun dengan pantas berlari dan serelom tudung.

Aku membuka pintu.
And there he was.... that McD Late Delivery mamat. So innocent. So tak rasa bersalah.

I looked at him, menahan marah yang meluap-luap.
Sabar, Anis... sabar.

Lalu aku dengan nada yang perlahan berkata, "Saya order McD ni....sebab nak makan sambil tengok bola.... *cleared throat*....ni bola dah habih aku nak makan sambil tengok apa?!?!! Tengok muka hang?! Hang masuk pi duduk ataih meja tv tu. Masuk aku kata!"  haaa.. kan dah terkeluaq ke-Che Jam-an aku. Tak tahan sabaq dah. Geram aku tengok deni aih!

Mamat McD tersebut tergamam dan takot gila kat aku. Lalu masuk dan duduk ataih meja tv.

Aku dan Azy mula makan double cheeseburger kami sambil tengok muka mamat tu.

"Hang rasa deni orang mana," Azy tanya aku.

"Saya orang..."

"Ada aku kata hang boleh becakap?" aku memintas mamat tersebut. Amboi ada hati nak becakap lagi! 

Tiba-tiba...kedengaran siren kereta polis di luar rumah aku yang di tingkat satu tu.

"Lepaskan mangsa!" suara seorang lelaki didengari dari luar.

"Tunggu sat la tinggai nak perabih fries ja lagi ni!" Azy menjawab dengan selamba.

"Huh.. mangsa konon! Ni KAMI ni yang mangsa, dapat makanan lambat!" aku pulak tambah kot ataih. 

Sebelum aku menyambung, aku nak tanya.
*Hampa rasa kejadian yang betoi-betoi jadi sampai mana?


Nota buku lali: 
*Beletiaq: membebel 
*Hampa: korang

Sunday, June 10, 2012

"NI BARU LAKSA BETOI!"

Petang tadi aku and Azy terasa lapaq. So we were thinking of places that we can chill, and enjoy good food. 
So I suggested Pak Li. Azy didn't quite find that suggestion erm... menyelerakan.

"Jom kita pi makan laksa yang Wan beli hari tu," Azy suggested. 

"Ohh.. haa... best gak! Jom!" I agreed, dan dengan pantas, sepantas kilat aku drive menuju ke arah tempat tersebut. No, wheel cap tak tercabut, Alhamdulillah. 

That place is just 5 minutes away from my house. Kat tepi jalan, dari seksyen 7 menuju ke Bukit Raja, you'll see this lorry juai Laksa Penang and Cendol. 

Setibanya kami berdua di situ, kami nampak ramai sangat orang. 
Jejaka Malaya pun ramai. 

"Adoi... aku dok 'elok' ni la hang nak bawak pi tempat ramai prospect kan?!" Azy berkata sambil mata mencari prospect paling baguih. 

"Hang ingat hang ja ka 'elok'? Aku ni tak nampak lagu bibik baru 2 hari sampai dari Myanmar? Lantak la. Pakai elok-elok, tonyoh blusher banyak-banyak pun ada abang WTF tu mintak no tepon aku? Target orang lain, orang lain yang mai mintak nombor aku. Hampeh. Sudah, JOM!" aku kata sambil mengeluarkan diri dari kenderaan pendek. 

"Tudia dia punya melalut punya jeuh," kedengaran Azy berbisik. 
 
Sampai ja kat abang tu, aku order, "Laksa 2, cendoi 2. Satu tak mau kacang."
Huh, si Azimah ni. Becakap bukan main macam nak begadoh dengan semua orang, kat kacang takot. Pui! 

Aku melihat di sekeliling. Lalu bertanya, "Takdak wifi ka?" 

Abang tersebut terkedu sebentar, lalu menjawab, "Takdak, dik." 

"Patut ada la. Macamana nak check-in?" aku jawab.  
Abang tersebut tertunduk, seolah-olah merasa sesal tak langgan Streamyx. 

"Esok ni kalau dah pasang Streamyx, kalau nak upgrade Unifi, saya ada contact. Abang kawan saya boleh buat punya. Murah ja dia amik,"Azy pulak menyampuk.

"Dah lama meniaga?" aku bertanya abang yang sedang mencedok kuah laksa. 

"Boleh la.. awat adik?"

"Saja nak tau... nak boh dalam blog saya," aku menjawab dengan cool, sambil membetulkan cermin mata hitam ku.

Abang tu nampak excited. Dia tersenyum. Matanya bersinar-sinar dan bertanya, "Adik ada blog?? Bagus, bagus... ramai follower?" 

"Ramai... ada la dalam 25 orang," aku jawab dengan penuh yakin.

Entah kenapa, muka abang tu berubah. Macam nak bagi sepak pun ada jugak. Aku pun tak tau kenapa muka dia berubah dengan tiba-tiba. 

Lepaih tu, abang tu menghulurkan laksa kami. 
Kami pun cari port nak duduk makan. We found a nice one, actually. Bawah pokok, betoi-betoi kat tepi jalan. 

"Ha ni baru laksa betoi!" tiba-tiba Azy menjerit. Nasib beik tak terbalik mangkuk laksa aku.

Yes, memang sangat susah nak cari laksa Penang yang betoi-betoi kat KL ni. 
Kami asyik kena tipu ja. Tulis laksa Penang, tapi kuah macam ayaq mata punya ceroi. Yang aku tak paham, tak pandai buat laksa, nak meniaga laksa pasai pa?  Hish...! Memang boleh mendatangkan marah. 

"Weih, esok ni kita meniaga laksa jugak. Amik port betoi-betoi kat tepi lorry abang ni," Azy bagi cadangan. Tudia hati perot punya mulia.

"Meniaga laksa jugak? Kalau sama ja buat apa," aku jawab. 

Azy kalih tengok lorry abang tu, "Abang ni boh 'Laksa Penang', kan? Kita boh la 'Laksa Penang Ori'." 

"Haa... dalam flyer esok ni kita tambah lagi 'kalau tak pecaya kami orang Penang, tanya la CAMCA tu apa.' Ok, cantek. Baguih-baguih! Lepaih tu, abang ni boh 'Cendol Pulut' kan.... kita boh la 'Cendoi Pulut Durian'," aku pulak bagi idea.

Lepas kami habis makan laksa and cendoi tu, kami bayaq and left the place... 

Memang sedap laksa and cendol di situ. So sesiapa yang teringin nak makan, especially Laksa Penang, silalah ke situ... InsyaAllah puas hati. 

Nota kaki: 
Kejadian yang benar-benar berlaku sebenarnya sampai takat kami order laksa and cendoi tu ja. Yang lebih adalah khayalan aku dan Azimah semata-mata. Sekian. (Terasa nak bagi kaki tak? I guess that's why they name it 'Nota Kaki') 

Lorry Laksa Penang & Cendol Pulut at Seksyen 7 Shah Alam  

Cendoi tanpa kacang
"Ni baru Laksa Penang betoi!"

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

DO NOT HATE. DO NOT WAIT.

I was rushing back home when I listened to this Ustaz talked about solat on IKIM fm.
(FYI IKIM fm has different and interesting topics everyday after azan Maghrib. Check it out!)

He said, solat adalah sangat penting dalam kehidupan seorang Muslim.
Rasulullah s.a.w sangat-sangat menitikberatkan solat, sehinggalah ke saat Baginda wafat, Baginda masih mengingatkan umatnya untuk mendirikan solat dan jangan sekali-kali tinggalkan solat.

Solat is the first thing yang akan dihisab di akhirat kelak.

Daripada Abdullah bin Qurti r.a., beliau mengatakan Rasulullah s.a.w pernah bersabda:

"Perkara pertama yang dihisab pada hari kiamat adalah solat. Jika solatnya baik, maka baiklah semua amal perbuatannya. Dan jika sebaliknya maka rosaklah semua perbuatannya." (HR. Thabrani)

Ustaz tadi menyambung, always doa that we are amongst those who perform solat, and remain to perform solat until the day we die. Not only for ourselves, but also doa for our parents, our siblings, our family, our friends, our colleagues, our neighbours and the rest of Muslims.

Even to those who don't perform solat in their daily lives.

Yes. Islam teaches us not to hate. So don't hate a person if he/she doesn't perform solat. In fact help them. Help doa for them, so that Allah opens and softens their heart to be back to Him. Doa yang diiringi dengan hati yang ikhlas, suci, kusyuk dan penuh keimanan, InsyaAllah akan dimakbulkan oleh Allah s.w.t.

"Doakan mereka. Ya Allah, rakan-rakanku sangat baik orangnya Ya Allah. Hati mereka baik, mereka selalu membantu aku dan orang lain, mereka baik kepada ibu bapa mereka, tetapi hati mereka tidak terbuka untuk bersolat. Ampunilah mereka, Ya Allah. Lembutkanlah hati mereka, berilah mereka kekuatan untuk bersolat. Bantulah mereka, Ya Allah..." the Ustaz continued.

After listening to the Ustaz, I was reminded how beautiful Islam is.
How it teaches us to act with kindness to everyone. Even to the ones who don't perform the one, the most important practice in Islam - solat.

Islam teaches us to; instead of saying "Haish... apa nak jadi dengan deni. Tak pernahnya nak solat. Tak takot mati ka?", we should raise our hands, menghadap Allah yang Esa, yang Maha Mendengar doa hamba-hambaNya and berdoa "Ya Allah, ampunilah dia. Jadikan dia seorang hambaMu yang mendirikan solat."

So friends, let's change to be a better person, a better Muslim.

Let's start tomorrow.
Let's start to solat.
Let's start to doa untuk kebaikan orang lain. 

One thing for sure, we will all be back to Allah s.w.t.
And one thing for sure, we don't know when our time is up.

"Solat merupakan senjata yang terakhir dari segala yang menghancurkan agama. Jika solat telah hilang, maka hilanglah agama dengan sendirinya." - Rasulullah s.a.w

*Sesungguhnya yang baik itu datangnya dari Allah, dan yang buruk itu datangnya dari kesalahan diri saya sendiri. Wallahu'alam.

Monday, June 4, 2012

SNOW WHITE, THE HUNTSMAN AND THE BANGSA MERAPU

For the past few days my Twitter timeline has been filled with "Snow White and The Huntsman". 

People check-in, leaving comments about it, bla bla bla. To be frank, I don't fancy Kristen Stewart.... (OK I hate her, I don't think she can act); but the hype is that good, that I was feeling left out for not watching it. So I checked with Azy, one of my bffs, and she said "OK jom pi!"

Jadi kami pun pi la tengok yesterday at Tropicana City Mall. 

After we took our awesome seats, the trailers started to roll. 
Lepaih tu, kami nampak this one cinema worker helping out some people find their seats. Suddenly seeing him (or her. Couldn't see cause it was so dark) holding that torch light looked pretty cool. 

"Huish! Ada lagi na orang keja bawak masuk orang tunjuk seat lagu ni. Aku ingat zaman dulu kala ja," Azy said. 

"Baguih jugak kalau aku mintak keja part time kat sini. Bawak-bawak orang tunjuk seat. Bukannya susah. Bukannya nak pakai tenaga banyak pn. I could really use some extra money," aku pulak masa tu la ada "light bulb" moment. 

And suddenly, the movie started. 
We were all quiet, concentrating on the movie. 

It started with a scene of a kingdom, filled with snow. It is all white, peaceful and beautiful. A queen is walking around and she sees a red rose. She touches it, and her finger bleeds from touching the thorn. Three drops of blood fall on the snow.... 

"Kalau aku keja sini, aku nanti bawak torch light yang besaq yang masuk utan punya tu. Yang terang gila-gila tu. Satu panggung nanti terang balik apa," I heard myself whispering to Azy. 

Azy dengan pantasnya menjawab, "Kalau aku, aku pakai helmet yang ada torch light tu teruih. Kalau mai interview aku bawak skali helmet tu. Confirm dapat keja." 

Damn it. 
Her torch light is much cooler!

Our eyes went back to the screen. 

Snow White is walking with her friend, William. She is holding a pigeon. An injured pigeon. 
She goes into the castle to see her mom and tells her mom about the pigeon. Her mom kisses her and tells her what a beautiful girl she is, inside and outside. Snow White smiles and says...

"Helmet yang orang dok guna nak gali lubang, nak cari lombong maih tu hang bawak mai keja? Gagah gila. Orang nak tanya seat depa kat mana pun takot apa. Takpun depa nanti kata 'org keja kontrak mana pulak telepaih ni'," aku bisik kat Azy lagi.

Azy membalas dengan sopan, "Kojaq." 

Snow White leads her army to attack Ravenna. Blood spills everywhere.... kill.... blood... die.... blood... everywhere.... Snow White looks for Ravenna. Only she can kill that devil. When she finds Ravenna, she says... 

"Kalau aku, lagi sejam cita ni nak habih, dah bukak siap-siap dah pintu Exit tu," aku bisik pulak kat telinga Azy. 

"Tak payah tutup teruih la dari mula cita lagu tu. Senang keja hang," respon Azy. "Aku tau... kalau hang keja sini, cita ni tak habih lagi dah dok kutip sampah!" 

"Tau takpa. Pi kat semua orang mintak bekaih-bekaih ayaq, bekaih popcorn semua aku nak buang. Tak boleh tengok semak-semak semua. Aku naik ketaq kepala," aku menyambung. Time tu memang betoi ketaq kepala aku imagine sampah sarap dalam panggung.
  
Snow White kills Ravenna. 
She is now the queen of her kingdom. She stands up before her people, looks at each and everyone of them with full of love, and says...

"Depa nanti kata 'ni kami tak habih tengok lagi cita ni. Tunggu la, sat lagi angkat la sampah'," Azy pulak sambung. 

"Aku nanti bagi tau teruih apa kesudahan cita tu."

"Keja tak dan sehari, kena buang keja teruih apa. Boss hang nanti kata ada jugak orang GILA lagu ni kat dunia ni," Azy said, while both of us getting up from our seats. 

"Tak payah la kot mintak keja kat sini na," aku merumuskan sambil keluaq dari panggung.

Oh, what do I think of Snow White and The Huntsman? 
Well... if it didn't keep us quiet, it wasn't THAT good.