DID I JUST SAY...

"Ya Allah sejuknya!!" I said once I stepped into the apartment, almost wanted to jump on my client, Nina (bukan nama sebenar) who was there with me. Then I thought... nah.. we're not THAT close yet. Give it another year.

I walked to the balcony, admiring the beautiful scenery of Cameron Highlands.
Yes, we were at Cameron Highlands for a photo shoot, people! And it had been a while since I was here. I think the last time I was here was like, more than 10 years ago. So it was good to be back, to get some fresh air. And a good escape to clear my mind.

After we were briefed about tomorrow's shoot, we all said good night and headed to bed.

Around 6.30am the next morning, we went down to get some breakfast. Just a little... I didn't have appetite to eat that early. I mean I just had some pancakes, chicken sausages, some bread, beef bacon, and some more pancakes, I think. Not much.. just a little.

*clear throat* hurm.. ok, that was when we met Shahir, a 6 year-old boy talent for the ad. OMG, he was SO cute. SO handsome. If only he was 24 years older. Yeah, these are the kind of guys I'm attracted to. It's either they're too young, or too old, or not attracted to me at all. Story of my life.

Anyway, Shahir seemed to be moody that morning. I was quite worried that he could not pull it off during the shoot. So, since I have always been good with kids, I knew exactly what I was supposed to do. I started to create a conversation with him.

"How old are you?" I asked.
No answer. Didn't even look at me. No, no. Didn't even look at the area surrounding me.

"Are you hungry?" I asked again.
Still so quiet that I could hear his breath.

"Are you sleepy?" I tried again.
No answer. He seemed annoyed a little. I don't blame him.

Then it hit me. Get him to play a game! And we are in the year of 2011, where children don't play galah panjang, buaya-buaya, batu seremban or kahwin-kahwin (my favourite, by the way) anymore. They play Angry Birds.

So I took out my phone and handed it to him. "You wanna play Angry Birds?"
He looked at me, smiled, reached out his hand and nodded. We became best buddies a few minutes after that.

See, told you I was good with kids.

After breakfast, we headed to the location - the tea plantation.
Subhanallah.. the view was awesome. I could stay there forever *cough* iftheyhavegoodinternetconnection.

Actually, before we came to the location, we were all worried that the weather was going to be a challenge. But, thank Allah, He brought us sunshine that morning. It was so beautiful. It was perfect.

The man talent for the ad was Peter Davis. He was the dad and Shahir was the son. They really looked like real father and son. Both are gorgeously gorgeous, and both are professionals! Within 2 hours, we called it a wrap. Peter and Shahir were truly awesome. That's the good thing working with professionals. They know what they need to do, and they deliver it perfectly. Made everybody's job easier.

It was time to go back to the apartment.
We all went into the van which brought us there. It was a Mercedes, 14-seater van. Yeah, it was huge!
Shahir and his mom were sitting in the front row seat, me and Nina in the second row and Peter was behind us.
While we were heading down, Peter mentioned something about soap. Then I remembered the incident where I gave soap to Datuk. (those who have no idea please refer to "me and my new stool" entry and you'll know what happened)

So I told him and Nina the story "...bla bla bla bla....then I offered Datuk a candy and he took it. And then we ate it together at once, and then he spit it out and said 'THIS IS NOT CANDY THIS IS SOAP!' and I was like 'SHIT'!"

Nina looked at me in horror and said, "No way you're coming near my kid!"
I was like, why? What's wrong? What did I say...? Oh shit! OMG I just said "shit" in front of a 6 year-old kid?! Ok, damage control time, Anis!

I quickly went to Shahir and asked, "You didn't hear I said 'SHIT', did you?"

Yeah, that's how good I am with kids.

Shahir playing some serious Angry Birds before getting ready for the shoot.

Me and Peter Davis the night before the shoot.
We went to the night market and I was freezing my a** out. So I stopped at every stall that was frying food. I needed the heat.

Peter getting some final touch up before the shoot.

Me and Nina having a photo shoot of our own.

Just look at this. If you need to escape from the city, from the stress at work, go to Cameron Highlands.
Sit here, get in touch with mother nature, clear your mind.
We have it all in Malaysia. Go travel!

Working time. They were doing this for 2 hours. Shahir was saying "Yay" for the entire time.
I don't think he'll ever say "Yay" again.

Awww... me and Shahir. Isn't he cute? I would so recommend him. He's a very talented young boy.

Me demonstrating how the "locals" pluck the tea leaves. The face is... whenever there's sunlight.

*Disclaimer: The last question to Shahir only happened in my head. But saying the 'S' word in front of him was real. ACCIDENTALLY saying.

AKU DAN JPJ

Pada suatu pagi ni, aku dh lambat nak p keja. Aku pun bawak keta dengan gaya samseng sebab dah memang lambat gila.

Selepas aku menyusur keluar ke federal highway dengan gaya Transporter, aku ternampak truck JPJ dok bawak kat lane kiri tak lebih 80km/j. adoi.. menurut perintah betoi.

Disebabkan aku lambat, aku pun discreetly memotong JPJ tersebut. Tapi dalam hati, dok takot kena tahan dengan JPJ sebab bawak laju. Cukup la pengalaman kena tahan dengan pegawai smart tunnel dulu. Tak mau aku menangis depan JPJ pulak.

Lepas aku dah menghilangkan diri dari pandangan JPJ tersebut, aku terjumpa lagi satu truck in blue kat depan aku. Aku just nampak logo saja.

"Alamak... another JPJ???" I said to myself. Ok la.. aku jadi baik la.. aku bawak la pelan-pelan kat belakang truck tu.

Ya Allah.. depa ni bawak keta tekan minyak ka, tolak dengan kaki? kalau aku turun TOLAK keta aku pun lagi laju dr depa bawak. Adoi.. takpa-takpa. sabaq Anis. Hang tak mau menangis depan JPJ, kan??

Tetiba, phone aku bunyi. Nombor tak kenai. Alamak.. ni mesti orang yang nak deliver katil aku nih. Aku pn angkat la, put him on loud speaker. Punya takot JPJ tahan aku sebab cakap phone while driving.

So lepas cakap dengan mamat tu, I was approaching the toll. Truck tu menuju ke arah lane "Tunai". Yay!! Aku bebas! Aku pun pederaih la p Touch 'N Go. Masa kat toll tu, aku nampak truck tu melepasi toll. Then, aku tengok truck tu balik - CAREFULLY.

Kat truck tu, tertulis....

"MAJLIS PERBANDARAN PETALING JAYA"

IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE...

It's been a while since I had a crush on someone.
Usually it only last in a blink of an eye. But this time, this time it's a bit serious than I thought it would be.

And you know the best part is?
I know nothing about him.

That's why I keep asking myself. Why Anis, why? You might not even like him when you find out how he really is.
But still.. I can't get him out of my mind.

I do hope this feeling will go away soon. And never come back!

And to that someone, this song is for you.
Enjoy it while it last, cause this ship is sailing soon, mister!

A PICTURE THAT IS WORTH A MILLION WORDS

they say a picture is worth a thousand words.
to me, this picture worth a million.

it's a picture of my hand holding mak tok's hand when she was sick in the hospital.
mak tok took care of me since i was a little baby. she raised me to be who i am today.

when i took this picture, she was so weak but she knew i was there, i was reaching out for her hand.
she was so weak that she couldn't open her eyes but she tried to grab my hand and hold it as tight as she could.
she heard me talking to her, but she couldn't speak. so she took my hand and put it on her chest.

i kept talking to her. saying that when she gets well, i would bring her back to our home in Penang.
we could stay there for as long as she likes, eat whatever she likes to eat, and go wherever she likes to go.
she nodded, still holding my hand as tight as she could. i could see that she was happy. happy to know she was going home again, happy that i was there with her, happy to even just listening to my voice.

i prayed. i prayed and i prayed to Allah so that mak tok would be ok. so that i could bring her home. so that i could listen to her laughter again. so that i could hug her whenever i want. so that i could make her happy.

but Allah loves her more.
we said our goodbyes in 2009. and i have been missing her since then. every single day.

because nobody holds my hand like how mak tok did.
because nobody hugs me like how mak tok did.
because nobody laughs at my jokes like how mak tok laughed.

because nobody loves me like how mak tok loved me.

anis rindu mak tok.
anis rindu mak tok sangat-sangat.

al-fatihah

YOU GET THAT FROM MY HANDWRITING?

"Where's Kak Lina ni..." I whispered to myself. We just finished a meeting and had some discussion with the clients at their office in Putrajaya. I was dealing with Norlia (bukan nama sebenar), while Kak Lina was settling some other problems with...errr... Sapiah (bukan nama sebenar).

Suddenly I saw Kak Lina. "Hanis, we can't go just yet. I have to simplify these letters. Just need to write it down, no need to reprint. Can you help me?" she asked.

Me being the ultimate helper *cough* suck up, immediately said "YES!". Then I saw the amount of papers. Oooook..... Nak lari pun dah terlambat, so I sat down, looking at the points we needed to write on those letters.

As I was writing, I thought wow.. I haven't been writing in a while! It felt awkward, actually. And my handwriting is getting unbelievably hideous. Hideous pun tak hideous macam handwriting aku. That's how hideous my handwriting is.

While I was busy finishing my third letter, suddenly Kak Lina looked at a letter that I've written and said, "You are very close to people."

I stopped writing, looked at Kak Lina and said, "What??"

"Ni ha, your handwriting ni.. it says you're close to people. Your handwriting says a lot about you, you know. So does your signature."

"Really? You can analyse handwritings and signatures?? That is so cool!"

She nodded. "Yup, my dad used to have this book about handwriting and how to "read" it," then she looked at the letter again, continued to analyse.


"You are not very open-minded..."
"Yup, true... on certain things..."

"You are shy..."
"YES I am. But not shy enough to be running into the glass wall at client's office in a foreign country..."

"You are optimistic..."
"I do think I will marry Ryan Gosling..."

"You are secretive. You don't show who you really are. THIS (while pointing her finger at me) is all staged!"
I looked at her with narrowed eyes and said, "No I am not! I'm very transparent! What you see is who I really am!"
"Are you sure??" she asked sambil senyum-senyum kambing.
"Yeeee...s!! Wait. I do have a secret... I used to have this one bantal busuk." OH.MY.GOD. Did I just voluntarily give up my own secret?! Nice work, Anis. Great.

"Ok enough analysing my handwriting," I said, trying to change the topic. I wouldn't wanna talk about my bantal busuk, the story is just too tragic and sad.

"Let me analyse YOUR handwriting," I said while taking Kak Lina's letter.

Then I started analysing it like a real pro.
Her handwriting is cursive, big, takes a lot of space, has a lot of curves. Then I looked at her and told her my analysis.

"Your handwriting says that you sometimes don't understand your own handwriting and need to borrow someone else's notebook in order to write a contact report."

After digesting my analysis, Kak Lina looked at me as if she was about to smack the wax out of my ear.
But then, she paused, and said, "True."

See! I don't need a book to help me analyse. Pro. PRO siot!
Come, let me analyse YOUR handwriting.

WHEN ONE THING LEADS TO ANOTHER

Ada suatu ketika ni, surau dekat building office aku black out. Surau tu kat basement, so bila black out memang BLACK la. Satu apapun tak nampak. It had been blacked-out for like 2-3 days in a row. And everytime aku dah turun nak solat baru teringat yang surau tengah mengalami musim black out. I was like, shoot! I had to cross over the road to solat at this one neighbourhood surau nearby the office.

So pada suatu hari ni, I decided to be proactive. Aku nak jugak solat kat surau basement tu. So, I went to 7-Eleven to see what I can use to light up the surau.

The first thing aku cari masa masuk 7-E tu of course la lilin. Jalan punya jalan, aha! LILIN CAP LIGHT HOUSE. Cantik! Aku pun dengan pantas merabut lilin tersebut sebelum orang lain yang mengalami musim black out amik.

Masa dok berjalan nak pi bayaq, aku terpikiaq. "Macamana aku nak bagi lilin ni berdiri elok-elok? Takkan nak boh ataih tapak tangan aku kot? Mau menyambaq pulak kat telekung aku, tebakaq. Memang cerah betoi surau tu nanti. Aku ja la nanti hanguih gelap teruk."

Jadi aku pun pi la cari apa-apa yang boleh lapik lilin tu...

Ok find something...hard and has a flat surface. Twisties? Nah... Sneakers? Nah... Kuaci? Gila apa!
Time to move on to another aisle. I looked at my watch - 3.00pm. Hurry, Anis you're running out of time!

Then I saw something. Something with a flat surface, something hard. Something that would be able to make the lilin berdiri seperti sebuah light house. (Hey is that why they name it LIGHT HOUSE??)

Ok, back to the story.

That something was a PEANUT BUTTER! A small Lady's Choice peanut butter. Boleh aku letak lilin ataih tu. And they had my favourite flavour! It was like killing two birds with one stone. OMG I'm a genius!
I picked it, and headed to the counter. Then something hit me. "Takkan aku nak ratah ja peanut butter ni lepaih ni? Kembang tengkok aku aih."

"Kejap eh dik," aku kata kat cashier 7-E tu and terus pi amik the first thing that came across my mind - roti Gardenia.
Masa nak bayaq tu, ternampak pulak pisang kat counter tu. Satu seringgit. Sedap pulak nampak. Then I thought, I should really reward myself for being proactive. Lalu aku pun beli la pisang tu.

Ok, great! I have all the things that I needed. Aku dengan excited dan berbangga dengan diri sendirinya berjalan laju menuju ke surau basement.

Keluaq-keluaq ja dari lif, aku belok ke kanan towards the surau.
Dan aku mendapati bahawasanya.... SURAU DAH ADA LETRIK.

Inilah dia barisan-barisan pelakon drama pendek "Aku, Lilin Cap Light House, Peanut Butter dan Roti".
- The End -

AKU DAN BANJIR

It has been raining very heavily these days, kan? Biasa la hujung-hujung tahun ni. Aku kan, if hujan lebat ja, aku mesti teringat kampung halaman aku yang tercinta - Dhoby Ghaut.

Dhoby Ghaut tu, kalau hujan lebat non-stop sejam pun ayaq dah boleh naik sampai takat lutut. Kalau 2 jam kira boleh hapuih kepala. Tapi kepala budak 3 tahun la.

So there was this one time, hujan turun tak benti everyday, and naik ayaq bah berkali-kali but tak sampai masuk dalam rumah kami la. Alhamdulillah sebab tanah rumah mak tok agak tinggi compared dengan rumah lain kat kampung tu. Kalau banjir yang besaq ja baru masuk rumah kami. So most of the time kami dapat tidoq dengan nyenyak tanpa rasa risau.

Mak tok and tok ayah tidoq kat bawah sebab senang nak pi toilet semua. Mak tok tidoq ataih katil kat dapoq and tok ayah loved to sleep on a mattress on the hall floor. Dia dok kuat lagi masa tu. He was still working, if I'm not mistaken.

Mai satu malam ni, aku dikejutkan dengan jeritan batin mak tok dari bawah, "Anis!! Bangun ni ayaq masuk rumah dh!"
It was 3am. Aku pun bangun seketoi sampai saket kepala semua. Lari turun bawah, tengok-tengok ayaq dah paras ataih buku lali. Uh oh!

"La.. bila ayaq masuk ni mak tok??" aku tanya sambil cepat-cepat ubah kaset-kaset Backstreet Boys, Spice Girls, N'SYNC, album first Siti Nurhaliza aku kat ataih meja kat dapoq tu.

"Yang tu yang hang kalut sangat nak angkat. Semua kaset tu pulak dah tenggelam dalam ayaq! Tu pi angkat kerusi-kerusi kat hall tu!" mak tok nampak semput dengan perangai kebudak-budakan aku masa tu.

Aku kalih kat tok ayah, "Tok ayah, macamana boleh sedaq masuk ayaq ni?"

"Tok ayah dok tidoq, lepaih tu rasa lagu basah. Bangun-bangun dok ada dalam ayaq," tok ayah jawab dengan muka cool.

Tudia tok ayah aku terendam dalam ayaq! Ayaq habih masuk dalam telinga tu la kot sampai lani sound rosak sket. Tapi takpa, tok ayah tetap handsome dan menjadi pujaan hatiku.

Kami pun kelam kabut la angkat segala barang yang ataih lantai tu.
Lepaih dah settle semua, we lepak upstairs sampai la pagi.. Yang paaaaling aku ingat and yang paaaaling best masa naik ayaq bah apa tau? AJK MASJID SHEIKH YUSOFF distribute nasik kandaq dengan kopi 'o' naik sampan! SAMPAN siot! Masa tu dapat nasik kandaq macam menang iPad 2 punya seronok. Hujan-hujan pulak tu. It was the best feeling.

"Anis, pi cuci buang selut-selut kat bawah tu," mak tok memberi arahan.

So aku pun turun la cuci selut. I started in the house first, cause it was the trickiest part. Kalau biaq lama nanti susah nak tanggai selut tu, lepaih tu nanti berhabuk bila lantai kering. (tudia aku boleh bukak business cuci selut dah lepaih ni)

Tiba-tiba aku dengaq riuh sangat kat luaq rumah. So aku pun tinggai sat keja aku and went outside to see what was going on. I went out and saw Mak Ruby (she's my aunt who lives beside our house), her sons Abg Ril and Abg Bob, my neighbour Mak Cik Lijah and her grandson Muhammad who was about 8 years old at that time.

Masa tu ayaq kat laman rumah aku boleh dikatakan tinggi lagi. So Abg Ril and Abg Bob pun amik kesempatan buat depan rumah kami tu macam swimming pool. They were still young masa tu, sekolah lagi rasanya. Tak pun early 20s.

"Ni Muhammad, apa rah tak mandi. Syok ni ayaq sejuk! Mai la terjun! Ingat selalu ka ayaq naik tinggi lagu ni?" Abg Ril dok cucuk Muhammad join depa.

Aku kalih tengok Muhammad. Memang muka gian gila nak mandi ayaq bah.

Dia kalih tengok tok dia, "Nanima (tok), nak mandi.."

"HANG BERANI KALAU HANG TURUN AKU NAK TENGOK! BERANI TURUN! AKU NANTI PULAIH TELINGA HANG SAMPAI TERKELUAQ! HAAAA TURUN! BERANI HANG TURUN!!" Mak Cik Lijah bagi warning beik punya kat cucu dia. Lagu ni AKU pun tak berani nak mandi ayaq bah. Silap-silap Mak Ruby pun sama takot. Lepaih tu we heard Mak Cik Lijah's daughter calling her from her house. So she left.

Muhammad tengok Abg Ril dengan Abg Bob balik.
"Rugi laaa, rugi! Ayaq dok dalam lagi boleh berenang, boleh selam apa semua tak mau masuk," Abg Bob pulak perangat dia. It must've been like a live or death kinda thing to Muhammad.

Disebabkan godaan Abg Ril and Abg Bob tu terlalu kuat dan sukar nak ditepis, akhirnya Muhammad pun terjun dengan jayanya ke dalam ayaq bah...

"Tudia mampuih dia sat lagi nanima dia mai!" Mak Ruby kata sambil tergelak.

This was getting interesting. I wanted to know how this ends, so I took a seat.

Mak Cik Lijah came back and saw Muhammad "snorkeling" in the flood. I thought I could see her taking a very deep breath before saying "HA HANG DUDUK, HANG DUDUK DALAM TU SAMPAI ESOK! AYAQ SURUT PUN HANG JANGAN DOK NEIK! BERANI KALAU HANG NEIK! AKU NANTI RIMBOK HANG TERUUUUK NANTI! HANG DUDUK DALAM TU!!"

Aku dengan Mak Ruby punya la gelak sampai keluaq ayaq mata.
I know Mak Cik Lijah was so upset but I just couldn't hold it. It was just too damn funny. "Habih la hang Muhammad.. hahahahah... macamana nak balik rumah.. Kak Anis tak tau la... hahahahah." aku pulak usik Muhammad.

Tiba-tiba kedengaran suara yang 10x hebat, 10x kuat daripada suara Mak Cik Lijah
"AMBOI ANIS HANG PI MANA TINGGAI HABIH SEGALA MOP, PENYODOK APA SEMUA KAT BAWAH NI BUAT KEJA LAGU MANA NI TINGGAI SEKERAT JALAN AKU CUKUP-CUKUP PANTANG BUAT KEJA TAK PERABIH NI TAK MENYEKOH NAK BUAT APAPUN NINDIA HABIH SELUT SEMUA KERING HANG PI MANA NAK MAMPUIH SANGAT DAH NI ANIS OI!!!!"

SKETCHES OF MY TEENAGE LIFE

"Apa yang hang kelam kabut sangat tu Anis?" mak tok tanya lepaih dia tengok aku dok buat ramai kat dapoq.

"Ni dok buat kopi ni ha. Nak cepat sebab ada keja," aku jawab sambil tuang ayaq yang panaih menggelegak tu.
Lepaih dah rasa manis, pahit, tawaq hebiaq kopi tu, aku kelam kabut pulak ke atas, ke bilik aku.

POM POM POM POM! Bunyi kaki aku lari naik tangga. Rumah kayu la katakan.

"AMBOI TAK LAMA NANTI REBAN RUMAH AKU!" kedengaran mak tok menjerkah aku dari belakang.
Ops. Sorry mak tok. Couldn't control the excitement.

I quickly went into my room. And there they were... my sketch book, a few pencils, an eraser and a picture of a celebrity I was having a crush on at that moment.

Yes, drawing potraits used to be my favourite past time. Bila diingatkan, aku melukis lebih daripada aku belajaq dulu. Kalau tak mesti lani aku dah jadi doktor (ayam).

Aku suka lukis muka-muka artis Hollywood sebab orang senang nak recognise. Kalau aku lukis muka Tok Mami ka, Aci Ton yang dok belakang rumah mak tok aku tu, rasanya mak tok aku sorang ja la yang kenai.

I used to draw late at night, when it was quiet and peaceful. I would listen to my walkman (walkman, siot!!), and put on some good music (the definition of "good music" at that time was Spice Girls, 911, Backstreet Boys and Siti Nurhaliza's second album. Kantoiiiii)

So I just wanna share with you guys my collections. Dated waaaaayyyyy back in 2000 and 2001.

Ada suatu ketika ni aku minat gila dengan Britney Spears.
Lani dah macam tak dak pedoman dah aku tengok Britney Spears ni.

Mariah Carey.
I saw her picture and thought her hair looked great. So I drew her.

I love the shirt and her hair. This is Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Awww.. Jen and Brad back when they were happy together.
I used to draw Jennifer Aniston A LOT. She has amazing hair.

Jennifer Aniston....

Jennifer Aniston...

....and there she is again. I told you I drew her a lot!

This is one of my favourites. She is also my favourite Hollywood actress, Julia Robers.
I saw her and I couldn't resist. I could hear her hair calling me, "Draw me, Anis.. draw me." Well that was kinda creepy.

Oh boy. Ok, N'SYNC was a big hit back then and I fell in love with Justin Timberlake.
So ada suatu ketika ni, tangan aku asyik la rasa tegeliat. Sebab apa? Sebab dok lukih rambut deni RAH!


Tengok punya banyak. Macamana tak tergeliat tangan aku?!

Ok next selebriti ni... nak kata aku suka kat dia, tak dak la sangat. Ok je la. Tapi ada jugak la lukis muka dia, tapi tak dak la banyak sangat. Sikit je, tak banyak. Sikit. Sikit sangat.
Siti Nurhaliza!

Lagi satu Siti...

.....Siti lagi...

....and here she is again....hmmm...

errr....and again...

....and Siti last punya!
What? I really like her? No lah! Mana ada banyak lukis gambar dia.. tak banyak ni.. *nervous sweat*

Oh yes, I remember this. This is my masterpiece back then. I was (and still am) a big big fan of The Lord of The Rings, and as innocent as a teenager, I was in love with Legolas.

Sepanjang dok lukis ni, ada la berenti 20 kali dok rasa macam dia dok renung muka aku. Oh Legolas!

Anyway, I was planning to draw each of the character in LOTR. You know, Gandalf, Aragon etc. Lani bukan takat Gandalf, Gurkha pun belum tentu dapat lukis.

Tapi, dalam banyak-banyak potret yang aku lukis, yang bawah ni paling best:

Kenai tak?? Mesti la hangpa tak kenai, ni KOMANDER aku masa Diploma kat Arau Perlis dulu!!
Memang stalker sejati aku nih.

Terasa nak buat TEPUK TEPUK KOMANDO!

AUUUUUMMMMM!!!

I was driving at 100km/h from Section 9 to Section 7. I stopped by kedai koyok (fyi kedai ni dinamakan kedai koyok sebab pada suatu hari si abg cashier kat situ pakai koyok belambak gila kat muka dia. silap besaq la nampak kat aku). Anyway, singgah kedai koyok beli air mineral. Masuk keluaq kedai macam penyamun punya cepat. Aku cepat-cepat park kereta, brought the mineral water and ran to my house.

As soon as I went into the house, I looked at the watch. 8.15pm. Ok I better hurry! So I went into the bathroom, mandi lebih kurang, keluaq mengadap TV.

Yes, it was the SEA Games. Malaysia VS Indonesia was about to start in a few minutes.
Aku beli nasik beriyani kambing and kebab for Ijah. I brought the food, sat excitedly in front of the TV and called my best friend, Ijah, "Ijah cepat oi nak start dah!"

Ijah came out with a novel in her hand.
For the record, I salute Ijah for her skill of doing two things at a time. Remember the giving direction and telling Tamil story incident? (Refer to my entry "KIRI! KANAN! TERUIH!) Tonight it was watching football and reading novel. The best part is, these things have NOTHING in common at all. It's like water and oil. Again, I salute you Ijah - TERUIH!

Back to the story. So kami pun duduk la depan TV tu. Baru aku nak suap nasik, Indon dah bagi satu gol! Masa tu rasa macam nak lempaq nasik dengan kambing tu kat TV tu ada jugak. Tapi I said to myself, takpa, banyak masa lagi. Lagipun, sat lagi aku jugak yang nak kena sapu simpan nasik yang aku lempaq tu. So takpa, sabaq. Makan dulu.

Setelah lama menunggu, Malaysia tak bagi gol lagi.

Aku tengok Ijah sambil kata, "Haish Ijah! Panaih aih aku tengok game nih!"

Ijah jawab, "Sabaq, Anis, sabaq. Lambat lagi nak habih ni."

Aku balaih, "Tak, aku panaih sebab makan kambing ni."

Then I noticed Ijah gave me this aku-rasa-nak-cekik-budak-sekoq-ni-rah look. I ignored it, and kept watching the game.

After a few attempts, there was still no goal from Harimau Muda.
And there I was, sitting there soaking my hands in the rice. I refused to wash it because I didn't wanna miss the goal. Tapi aku dah give up menunggu. Basuh ja rah! Dok buat macam dapoq umah aku besaq padang bola. Padang guli pn tak sampai.

Lepas aku basuh tangan dengan pinggan makan aku, aku cepat-cepat dok depan TV balik.
Ijah masih kusyuk baca novel. Sesekali bila aku menjerit masa Malaysia or Indon attempt nak score goal, baru dia tengok sambil menjerit sekali.

Then, something amazing happened. Malaysia scored a goal. Indon 1 and Malaysia 1. Yahoooo!! Aku dengan Ijah lari keliling hall, imagining ourselves at the stadium. We could hear the entire neighbourhood cheered as well. It was amazing.

Then we went back to the game, hoping that Malaysia would score again.
Indon was desperate to score another goal, but Malaysia's defense was undefeatable. Then suddenly, Indon scored a goal! I was frustrated that I looked at Ijah and said, "Aku nak masuk tidoq rah!"

Ijah tak tau nak kata apa. I could see the frustration in her eyes, but I wasn't sure whether it was caused by the Indon goal or that novel she was reading.

Then suddenly, a miracle happened! The linesman confirmed that it was offside. The goal didn't count! Wohooo!!! Happynya aku masa tu, tahap rasa nak buat kenduri doa selamat punya.

Aku nampak Ijah macam blur sket. She opened her mouth and said, "Offside tu apa?"
Isk deni.. buat malu ja. OFFSIDE pn tak tau?! Bila aku nak explain kat dia, baru aku sedaq yang aku pun tak berapa sure OFFSIDE ni apa sebenaqnya. Argh! Baru ja hari tu adik aku Ake (masih single, handsome banget tengok la kakak dia) explain kat aku OFFSIDE tu apa! I knew I should've wrote it down somewhere!

"Tak pa la Ijah. Aku explain pun hang nanti pening nanti," aku bagi jawapan cover kat Ijah.

Then we waited and watched and waited for another goal from Harimau Muda.
Sepanjang game tu, ni adalah antara ayat-ayat yang dok keluaq:

"Aku rasa bersalah nak sebut nama Fakri ni."

"Si Thamil ni dok ingat dia belakon dalam cerita Tamil ka?!!"

"Khairul Fahmi dok tangkap bola tu mcm dia tangkap aku!"

"Si Bonai ni dok jampi serapah apa kat goal ni panggei jin ka?!!"

"Ala bola kena jaring pulak! Yang gol Indon ni nak kena ada jaring buat apa?! Tiang aja tak boleh ka?!"

90+ minutes and masa tambahan pun dah habis. Still no goal from either side.
Yup, masa yang dinanti-nanti dah tiba. Penalty.

Ijah and I were standing the whole time during the penalty kick.
I can't imagine how the coach was feeling at that moment. Lutut aku dok belaga dah punya la ketaq. Nak amik result SPM pun tak macam ni dulu aih punya terok. Intense gila siot!

Lepaih hang tendang pi aku tendang mai, tiba la tendangan penentu samada Malaysia menang atau tak.

Baddrol, the team's captain, moved forward. Make this count, please!
He kicked the ball and ""GGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Ijah and I were running around the hall again, cheering, expressing our happiness.
Not long after that, fireworks started to fill the dark sky to celebrate Malaysia's victory. It was so beautiful.

It was an awesome game. It was even more awesome because my best friend was there with me, laughing, and yelling and getting angry at Indon players (sometimes the referee and linesmen) for no valid reason. It was truly a memorable and special night.

And to Harimau Muda, well done.

Well done for not giving up easily.
Well done for a game well played.
Well done for winning the gold medal.
And most importantly, well done for making us see how different races, religions and cultures come together for one thing we all love - MALAYSIA.

AUUUUMMMMMM!!!

Harimau Muda team.
How old is Baddrol, by the way? (Jenoh Ijah nanti GAVISCON dengan aku)

Kami anak MALAYSIA! *sniff*

KIRI! KANAN! TERUIH!

Minggu lepaih, aku balik Penang sebab nak attend a few weddings (dua ja sebenarnya). Aku stay kat rumah Ijah, my best friend of 17 years (and counting). One of the weddings yang aku nak attend was Azy's cousin's wedding. Ijah was invited too.

So petang Sabtu tu, aku dan Ijah pun bertolak la ke Bukit Mertajam, where the wedding was held. Aku tak tau jalan, tak berapa terer sangat kat belah sana. So aku tengok Ijah yang dok duduk dengan ayu dan mulut merahnya di sebelah aku.

"Hang tau ka jalan ni?" aku tanya, menggerakkan bibir yang tak semerah Ijah itu.

Ijah amik wedding card tu, pastu studied the map. "Tau."

Fuh.. Lega aku dengaq. "Ok, hang tunjuk jalan la na.."

We went through quiet roads, where there was paddy field and all.

Aku dah mula risau. Ni semua disebabkan oleh insiden PEKAN LAMA BANGI. Masa tu aku dan Azy nak hantaq Ijah balik ke tempat kursus dia somewhere in Bangi. Aku dan Azy sah-sah tak tau jalan, so memang bergantung kat Ijah to lead us there. It was late at night. And it was dark. Bila aku tanya ja Ijah, jawapan dia "Straight ja. Aku tau jalan ni. Aku penah lalu." Sekali tudia! Sampai PEKAN LAMA BANGI.

So kali ni aku risau sesat ke Bukit Kayu Hitam pulak. Kat jalan tu dok nampak bukit dah ni. Kayu pun banyak jugak.

Jadi, aku pun tanya Ijah balik, just to be sure. "Ijah, kita kat mana dalam map ni?" sambil pegang kad kawen sepupu Azy tu.

"Kita takdak dalam map." Ijah jawab. Ha sudah. Memang ke Bukit Kayu Hitam la ni. Kalau tau bawak duit banyak sikit, boleh jugak shopping. "Aku bawak hang jalan short cut RAH." Dia sambung sambil tersenyum sinis, lepaih tengok aku gelabah kot. Senyum nak tunjuk mulut merah la tu.

"Ohh... ok ok."

Tiba-tiba, Ijah bukak cerita "Weh, hang tau dak, aku tengok cita Tamil ni hari tu..." Dia ni memang layan cerita Tamil. Aku, cerita Tamil, layan tengok Paddiyappa ja.

"Ha apa dia?" aku pun nak dengaq dengan excitednya. "Weih ni kot mana ni?" aku tanya Ijah bila kami sampai di satu simpang.

Ijah jawab, "Kiri. Ni, aku nak cerita kat hang. Hang tau tak, cerita Tamil ni kan. Hero dia saja trick pompuan tu kata tak mau kawen dengan pompuan tu. Dia tinggai pompuan tu macam tu ja. Habih tu pompuan tu bengang la... KANAN!"

Aku pun pusing ke kanan dalam keadaaan terketaq-ketaq dan tak sempat nak bagi signal.

"Tak lama lepaih dia tinggai pompuan tu, dia ajak pompuan tu jumpa balik kat ataih puncak bukit... TERUIH!"

Aku pun drive straight kat traffic light tu.

"Dia jumpa pompuan tu, dia kata kat pompuan tu 'I love you', pompuan tu bagi dia penampaq, dia kata lagi 'I love you', pompuan tu tampaq lagi dia - KIRI!"

Aku pun kelam kabut kona kiri masuk pekan kecik kat situ. Macam nak terbalik keta aku.

Tak lama lepaih tu, akhirnya sampai kami kat rumah kenduri tu. Alhamdulillah...

Mana dengan nak bercerita, mana dengan nak bagi direction. Hang bagi bercantum na, Ijah?
Nasib baik aku kenai hang lama, Ijah oi...

WHEN ANIS GOES TO VIETNAM

It was Nov 1st, 4.30pm. I was running like a headless chicken in the office when I saw Kak Lina came back from her meeting with the client. She looked like...how do I express this in writing...erm...oh! She looked like someone just told her that Chuck Norris was gay.

She put down her laptop, looked at me (still the same look), and asked, "How's your schedule in the next 3 days?"

"I'll be busy with FAs. Sorry, no. Let me rephrase myself. I'll be busy with A LOT of FAs. Why?" I asked back and wondering whether Chuck Norris was really gay.

"You have to go to Vietnam tomorrow."

"WHAT?! I have to go to Vietnam?!"

"Yes," she answered, still maintaining the same look and expression. Wow she's good at this!

"Vietnam the country, Vietnam?" I said. Well it doesn't hurt to double confirm, right?

"Yes, Hanis."

"Tomorrow? What time?"

"Your flight will be at 6am."

"WHAT?!!!!"

So yeah, a bomb dropped on my head that day. It was so last minute that I didn't have the time to exchange money, or prepare a proper handover to my bosses.

But despite the rush, I was excited.
This was my first time going to Vietnam and I was actually looking forward to it.

When we arrived in Vietnam, the first place we went was client's new office in Hanoi, which will be launched by the Minister of Tourism in a few days. It was a nice, clean, and cozy office. After our erm.. briefing session i.e. a reminder session that we were there to work, not makan angin, we had lunch and headed to our hotel.

We were staying at this nice hotel which name I can't remember. But what I remember is that the room was super cute, cozy and the bed...let's say you'll be struggling with yourself to get out of it. I was sharing the room with my boss, Puilin.

I was admiring the bed when I heard Puilin called me, "Hanis. Look."

I turned around and saw her pointing at the bathroom. It was all glass wall. I mean you can see the shower from your bed, man! Ni honeymoon room ke apa nih?! I thought to myself. Isk... macamana aku nak bermandi-manda nih? Takkan tak mandi kot?!

"It's ok.. they have blinds!" Puilin said while pulling down the blinds. Oh thank God! However, it didn't cover the whole glass wall. Still boleh nampak di celah-celah blinds tu. Erkk.

I looked at Puilin again, "Puilin, I'm not rich. I don't have money..."

Puilin looked confused. And a little concerned, actually.

Then I continued, "... there's no use if you record a video or snap a picture of me showering and threaten me to give you money otherwise you'll upload it on YouTube or something."

She looked at me and said, "Don't worry, Hanis. Whatever you have, I have too."

After confirming that she wouldn't do anything, aku pun mandi dengan penuh berhati-hati. Then both of us bersiap and headed back to client's office to work.

Our working station was in this nice meeting room. It has two doors, separated by a wide glass wall, nicely decorated with Tourism Malaysia posters and images.

Kerja punya kerja punya kerja, Nina (bukan nama sebenar) our client who came along with us from Malaysia, Puilin and I felt hungry. Before we went out, we asked the director, En. Akbal (bukan nama sebenar) and a few of his officers whether they wanted to join. Unfortunately they were too busy to even eat, so Nina, Puilin and I proceeded without them. (Mentioning clients' name here although bukan nama sebenar automatically puts me in a formal writing mode. Proceeded?)

So anyway, lepas makan, kami kembali ke office nak siapkan kerja for the day.
I was walking towards to the meeting room when I saw En. Akbal from his room, having a discussion with someone. I looked at him, smiled and just when I thought I had reached the door, I turned and..

BANGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!

For a minute there I thought I saw stars everywhere. And when I could see clearly again, I saw Nina and Puilin laughing their asses off. I could see tears coming down on their cheeks.

OH MY GOD DID I JUST RUN INTO THE GLASS WALL?! IN CLIENT'S NEW OFFICE?!! IN FRONT OF EVERYONE??!!! OMG THIS IS BEYOND HORRIFYING! HOW DO I FACE THE CLIENTS AFTER THIS???!! HOW DO I FACE MYSELF?!??!!

But then, I said to myself "This may be the beginning of the ultimate humiliation of my life, but it's not the end of the world. Nasik dah jadi buboq Anis oi... face it je la..."

While rubbing my forehead, I walked to my seat. Nyut-nyut-nyut rasa aih.
As I sat down, I looked at Nina and Puilin, and said, "That's ME launching this office."

See the mark in that circle? Yeah that was me. I hope the mark isn't there anymore!

BILA AKU CONFIDENT

It was late at night and I was waiting for the elevator at the office.

"Ting!" (bosanla bunyi lif mcm ni. Nak tukaq)

"GEDEBUISH!" The elevator opened the door. It brought me down to level P, opened the door and my colleagues Andrea and Nisha came in.

'Laaa tak balik lagi budak-budak ni.' Terdetik di hati walaupun 'budak-budak' lagi tua daripada aku.

So we went down to the car park at the basement together. Andrea and I parked nearby but Nisha said she parked jauh sikit.

We said our goodbyes, and headed to keta masing-masing. Masa nak keluar dari basement tu, aku bertembung dengan satu keta Mazda ni.

"Ha! Ni mesti Nisha!" I said to myself, walaupun tak penah tau si Nisha ni bawak keta Mazda ka, keta sorong ka, sorong papan tarik papan ka. Walaubagaimanapn, dengan excitednya, aku pn buat la lampu liplap-liplap dua tiga kali sambil menyanyikan lagu raya ke arah keta Nisha.

Tapi sayang seribu kali sayang. Tu bukan keta Nisha pn!! Keta mamat mana ka. Tapi bagus mamat ni. Walaupun aku buat mcm tu, dia rileks buat tak tau ja. Cuba kalau aku terbuat kat gangster kampung makam ka, KL gangster ka, mau dia tunggu aku tepi jalan nak belasah. Lagi terok kalau dia silau tinggi masa drive malam. Aku pulak dok pi bagi tambah silau lagi kat dia.

Lepaih aku dh elok pi bagi lampu liplap kat mamat tu, apa lagi... tunggu dia hilang drp pandangan la.

Inilah orang-orang tua kata "TAK DAK PASAI PI CARI PASAI."

Aku la orang tua tu.

KALAU AKU KURANG AJAQ

Pagi yang tak berapa pagi td, aku dan Azy bercadang untuk breakfast di Subway dekat-dekat dengan rumah aku di Shah Alam seksyen 7 ni. Walaupun dh macam-macam cerita aku dengaq pasai service kat Subway seksyen 7 ni, aku kira cincai la.. sebab ketaq lutut semua punya lapaq. Azy pn aku dok nampak dua td. So I thought, it couldn't be that bad. Pi ja la.

Bila dh order nak makan apa, minah tu bubuh la daging, teloq dengan cheese.
Masa kat tempat nak bubuh sayoq-sayoq tu, aku nampak cili jeruk.

Aku bisik kat Azy, "Kalau aku mai bawak char koay teow, mintak depa boh ni ataih char koay teow aku, hang rasa depa bagi tak?"

"Depa nanti benti keja teruih," Azy jawab.

Fuh, nasib beik aku tak buat lagi.

Lepaih dh order makanan, mai la time nak bayaq.
Budak laki kat kaunter tu keja alahai.. lemah gemalai. Sampai ada traffic jam la kira dalam Subway tu sebab lambat sangat. "Kira guna sempoa apa dia ni" terdetik hati aku.

Bila tiba masa kami nak bayaq, dia tanya aku, "Makan kat sini ke, bawak balik?"

"Makan kat sini." aku jawab.

Lepas tu, aku nampak dia nak boh coffee aku dalam plastic bag.

Aku kata lagi sekali, "Makan sini."

(KALAU AKU KURANG AJAQ)
"Aku kata makan sini. makan sini. MAKAN SINI. punya dekat aku cakap tak dengaq ka? nak kena guna microphone, speaker 2,3 bijik, berdiri ataih stage kot baru nak dengaq."

Lepaih dia dh boh coffee aku dan Azy kat dalam talam (tudia talam), dia dok diri buat rileks.
Tisu, gula, stirrer semua tak bagi.

Aku pn mintak la. "Tisu dik?"

(KALAU AKU KURANG AJAQ)
"Tisu tak dak? Habih tu aku nak sapu mulut dengan apa? Dengan tudung deni?" sambil menunding jari ke arah Azy.

Lepaih dia letak tisu, dia berdiri rileks lagi. Gula tak bagi pn.
Isk tak boleh aku aih. Sabaq Anis, sabaq...

"Erm... gula?" Aku cakap lagi.

(KALAU AKU KURANG AJAQ)
"Ni aku nak kena pi perah tebu pulak ka nak dapat gula?"

Dia letak 4 bungkuih gula dalam talam tu. Lepaih tu mcm biasa, dia berdiri rileks lagi.
Aku rasa hobi dia kot berdiri rileks ni.

"Errr... stirrer?" aku kata sambil menahan ayaq mata darah keluaq daripada mata aku. (Ha la takkan mata Azy pulak!)

(KALAU AKU KURANG AJAQ)
"Lepaih aku boh gula, aku nak kacau dengan apa? Dengan jari aku?!"

Tapi Alhamdulillah, walaupun service depa ni agak teruk, aku dapat menahan kesabaran dan tidak menjadi kurang ajaq.

Lain kali kalau pi makan kat sana, aku rasa patut ditegur baik-baik so that they improve their weaknesses and InsyaAllah, provide better service. That's how it should be.

And yes, mestilah AZY yang kena tegoq. Aku ni penakot.

THE MUSIC OF MY LIFE

I was listening to a DIY mixed CD in my car the other day. Didn't know what songs were in it, since I had it for the longest time and was too lazy to put a label on it. So I just played it.

It was English ballad songs from Babyface, Mariah Carey, 98 Degrees and Celine Dion.
Yes, these are my favourite singers back then until now. Their songs, so far, have not been able to bore me.

In fact, as I grow, the way I listen to these songs are different from when I was 15 years old. I listen closely to the music arrangement, how beautiful the lyrics were written. Things like that.

But one thing remains the same. The memories.

Do you realize how music can bring you back to the exact place you heard it the first time?
How you felt, what you experienced. Yes, this is what I like the most about music.

The first song in the CD was "Invisible Man" by 98 Degrees.

Gosh, I can hear this song over and over and over again. In fact I'm listening to it now while writing this (nak amik feel lah) and keeping it on loop. I suggest you guys listen to the songs too while reading this :)

It brought me back to 1999. 98 Degrees were a big hit at that time, and they were coming to Malaysia. I was a teenager, with pimples all over my face, dreaming I was gonna be an architect and marry Jeff Timmons. I was so excited about them coming and planned to check them out at this mall which I can't remember the name. I think the mall no longer exist now. So I went there with my best friend. I remember I bought a teddy bear for Jeff Timmons. It was a blue teddy bear.

Oh.. don't you just love how innocent you used to be when you were a teenager and in love with a star? (If only I had a time machine, I'd go back and smack that teddy bear on my own 15 year-old head, saying "A teddy bear? You might as well get a pink one with ribbons all over it.")

Then the CD brought me further. "Someone To Love" by Babyface.

Oh yes.. the first love. The first time having a crush on a guy, sorry, a boy. And he liked me too! We declared ourselves as girlfriend and boyfriend. He used to give me love letters with nice-smelling powders sprinkled on it! I guess back then they didn't have that nice-smelling paper commercialized yet, so you had to DIY it. And plus, we were 12. Give us a break.

It was also the first and last time I ever received a mixed tape from a guy. Sorry again. A boy. (I hate how old I feel right now!)
"Someone To Love" was one of the songs in that mixed tape. And I've been in love with that song ever since.
But unfortunately, not the boy. I hope he's doing good now, though. I hope he has met his "someone to love" while I'm still searching for mine. (hint, hint!)

Then Mariah Carey came in with "When I Saw You".

Another love story. Well, not love, love. It wasn't love when the guy you fell in love with never spoke to you and looked at you maybe twice in his life, was it? Sorry, ACCIDENTALLY looked cause you dropped your papan Lukisan Kejuruteraan in the middle of the school canteen.

Uh-huh. I was in high school - Sekolah Menengah Teknik Tunku Abdul Rahman Putra, Penang. I had this HUGE crush on a guy named Khairil Fedzal Kamal. Ok, instead of feeling like a loser that I can still remember his full name, I'm gonna opt for the fact that I have good memory.

Ok back to the story. I fell in love with him the first time I saw him. From then, I observed *cough - stalked* his interests cause I wanted to get his attention. I had a plan. I wasn't just a random observer *cough - stalker*.
I managed to track his interest - football. He loved it. I could still remember seeing him practice almost every day after school. He looked so handsome in his jersey.. sigh.

Oh, one more thing. You must also know that I used to draw a lot at that time. Mostly potraits of celebrities. So I thought, if I gave him my drawings, maybe he'd come and say thanks. And then we'll get to know each other, and he'll fall in love with me effortlessly. So I started drawing football stars in action! FYI I had never drew whole-body potraits before because for me it was very difficult. My first try turned David Beckham into David Arumugam. (no offense, David Arumugam. I love your songs!) After a few trials, I managed to get it right. The question was, how was I gonna hand it to him? I couldn't do it myself! I REFUSED to hand it to him myself. I didn't wanna end up saying "HiI'minlovewithyousoIthoughtyouwouldlovethisdrawingcauseyoulovefootballandIhopeyouwilllovemetooandwe'dmakebeautifulkidstogether."

To avoid him filing a police report on me, I found myself a middle person. His name was Azril. He was kinda cute though. But I was so focusing on Khairil that nobody was cute to me back then. Sorry guys.
Azril used to help me hand all my drawings to Khairil. And the upah was, since he was a fan of my drawings, I had to give HIM a drawing too. So I was drawing double.

So yeah... I love music and its ability to make me remember all these memories and bring a huge smile to my face.
Music brings me back to the place when life was so much simpler and in this case, how easy it was to fall in love.

Now life is becoming harder to deal with. Worst of all, I find it so hard to fall in love.
Yes, you know what this means.

It's time to play "All by Myself" by Celine Dion.

I CAN'T BRAKE

It was 8am in the morning, and I was on my way with 6 other colleagues, to do an outdoor activity in Chiang Mai. I was so excited and couldn't wait to do it since my usual "outdoor activity" back home are stuff like walking to the car, walking out from the car and into the office, or.... oh yes! going to pasar malam. But this, this could be the wildest thing I was gonna do so far.

After one an a half hours of journey, we reached there. A sign board reads "JUNGLE FLIGHT". Yes, for someone who is scared (the shit) of heights, it was a crazy idea. But then I thought - Why not? I wanted to remember this trip so let's do something craaaaaazy!

So after they put the necessary equipment on us, we headed to the jungle.
My colleagues looked all pro in their outdoor gear - khaki shorts, sports shoes. I looked at myself - jeans, flip flops. I repeat, FLIP FLOPS. They looked at me, then my flip flops, giving me a weird look. I nonchalantly said to them, "This is how the locals do it."

After a few minutes of walking into the woods, we arrived at the first station.

OH....MY.....GOD
We were standing on a wooden platform, probably about 30 - 40 meters above the ground. I saw the cable connected to the next platform, about 30 meters long. Then I made the biggest mistake. Yes, I looked down! I tried to keep calm, since everybody else was. Smile, Anis...Smile. Look cool. You need to show them how the locals do it!
"Ok, my name is Char. I will be your guide today, with someone-whose-name-i-forgot-so-lets-call-him Kevin. Today, we going to do Plan A, where there are 22 flight stations and 2 free drops..."

Whhhh...whhhhaaa....whhhhhaaatttt??!
22 STATIONS?!! AND WHAT THE HELL IS THAT 2 FREE DROPS?! IT SOUNDS SUICIDAL! OMG I'M GONNA DIE IN THAILAND!

Then he continued briefing us, "This bamboo stick for brakes, in case you go fast. We tell you 'break!', then you break. Hook it to the cable."
Ok sounded manageable.

"Okay, you go first," Char said, looking at one of my colleagues.
My jaw dropped seeing her fly across the platforms. My legs were shaking so much I could've brought down the entire platform with me. I couldn't do this. I really couldn't! I didn't know what I was thinking!

Then Char looked at me, and said something that sounded like a death sentence "Your turn."

Gulp.
I turned to my colleagues.
"You can do this, Hanis! You can do this! Don't be scared, it's nothing!" Yes, that's what they said, after seeing no colour in my face.
Char started to set up for my "flight", while I was doing whatever I could to keep calm. I tried to imagine Jake Gyllenhaal down there to catch me. Didn't work. I tried to imagine a huge cotton candy at the bottom waiting for me to fall on its soft and bouncy surface. Didn't work.

"Ok, ready?" Char asked, looking at me and smiling. I felt like punching that smile away.
"Bismillahirahmanirahim" I whispered, and saying it a thousand times in my heart.
I looked at him, nodded, and in a split second, he pushed me off the platform and "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And as I was going closer to the other platform, I heard Kevin yelled "BRAKE!!"
I reached the bamboo stick, then SHIT! How do I brake? How do I brake when I'm going so fastttt?!! OMG my flip flops are gonna fall! I just bought these can't lose them! Hold tight hold tight!!!

"I CAN'T BRAKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" BOOOOOMM! I hit the tree.
That's how the locals do it.

The first station. Char briefing us on how to do it while I'm shaking the platform off.

It really was a HAPPY ENDING. It really was the wildest experience I've had so far. For those who love outdoor activities, Jungle Flight in Chiang Mai Thailand should be in your list! Believe me, you won't regret it.

A SCRATCH

Today Kak Lina and I had a meeting at this place called Saloma Bistro at Jalan Ampang, with all the ASEAN Office Directors. I was quite excited, actually, to finally meet them face to face after exchanging a few thousands of emails.

We arrived there quite early. Parked the car and went straight to the meeting room.
I introduced myself to Brunei's Director and she said to me "Oh Hanis... We finally meet. I'm quite surprised though. You sound a bit elderly on the phone."

That was.... interesting.
I wonder if my writing sounds a bit elderly as well. Is it?

So anyway, after the meeting we had this wonderful lunch.
They served lemang, delicious rendang, ketupat and kuah kacang. Well there were more dishes, just that I ate those only.

After lunch, we excused ourselves since there were a lot more to do back in the office.

We reached the parking lot, and I saw something. Something so disturbing that I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. Something so disturbing that it'll haunt me in my dreams, sorry, nightmares. It was a SCRATCH. Yes, a scratch on the front side of my car. It was huge, so prominent and I thought my eyeballs were about to pop out.

"WHAT???!! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?! I DON'T REMEMBER HITTING SOMETHING OR HAVING SOMETHING HIT ME!!! GREAT, JUST GREAT!! ANOTHER SCRATCH AFTER TWO SCRATCHES AT THE BACK! MAYBE I SHOULD JUST SCRATCH ALL OVER THE CAR THEN PEOPLE WON'T REALIZE THESE ARE SCRATCHES! WAY TO GO TO RUIN MY MOO..."

Suddenly, I heard Kak Lina said "Err.. Hanis, THIS is your car." while pointing at the another white Viva beside it.

KENDURI KAHWIN

One day I received a message from a non-Malay, non-smoking friend, asking about the Malay Wedding. Apparently he received an invitation and was pretty nervous about the dos and donts of a Malay Wedding.

So this was the conversation in my Facebook inbox.

"The Non-Malay, Non-Smoking Friend"
Subject: malay wedding 101. information needed.

Yo looser.
Got a malay wedding to go. Apparently it's like a party in the house and then a dinner and function 2 days later.
What is the processes, what I should do, are there certain wedding gifts to bring/don't bring, what are the taboos. what to wear?

"Me"
Subject: RE: malay wedding 101. information needed.

Hi bigger loooser!
Good to hear from you :D

Here's a list of taboo:
1. Don't bring alcohol
2. Don't give alcohol
3. Don't consume alcohol
4. You are allowed to bring a girlfriend but DON'T MAKE OUT during the kenduri.
5. You can wear anything except for women's clothes, swimming trunk, boxers only, sleeveless t-shirt, go topless or bottomless or your over sized warden uniform which I gave. Better if you could wear Baju Melayu with songkok (the one you put on your head) and a sampin (the one you wrap around your waist on top of the Baju Melayu).
6. Other than alcohol and pork, you are free to give any gifts. Recommended to give household stuff like glassware. If you have no idea what to get, just get an IKEA voucher.
ARE YOU HAPPY WITH THE EXPLANATION?

Did I make it clear enough for him?
I hope I did.

It's a GIG

Assalamualaikum and hello there!

There was TV9’s Gig at i-City Shah Alam on the 9th of July. So since i-City is like, 10 footsteps away from my house, I thought why not give it a try. If I was lucky, maybe I’ll bump into my idol, Ahmad Izham Omar. (yes, IDOL. you got a problem with that?! tetiba nak emo)

So hari Ahad tu, aku dan Azy bersemangat bersiap sedia nak pi GIG for the first time together. Masa aku dok besiap, Azy dok la kelebek Twitter dari iPhone dia. Tiba-tiba, aku dengaq Azy terjerit-jerit dari hall aku. Isk, deni kena histeria pulak ka? So aku pn berlari keluaq sambil bersiap sedia nak letak tangan ataih dahi dia and baca Bismillah.

“Anis!!!!! AIO kat ataih stage dengan Wings!!”

“HA?!!! OMG!! Kita dh lambat!! Cepat wei.. cepat!!!” lalu berlari masuk ke bilik balik. Aduh, terseliuh pinggang aku masa “lap” nak masuk bilik tadi.

In less than 10 minutes, we reached i-City entrance. More and more people started to come, cars started to line up to enter the parking lot. Sampai-sampai, ada sorang akak ni tengah collect duit.

"Sepuluh ringgit, dik," akak tu berkata.

Then I gave Azy this jom-kita-demah-deni-buang-sedaih-dua look. Azy then "replied" with bayaq-ja-la-jangan-dok-buat-ramai-nanti-aku-kot-yang-demah-hang look. Isk, tak mau aku didemah oleh Gangster Jalan Makloom nih. Lalu kami pn bayaq la parking tu dengan rasa tak rela hati langsung.

After we paid the parking fee, we drove up the hill, to enter the parking lot. Azy said, still tak puaih hati dengan parking fee mahal tu, "Isk.. apa punya mahai tak tau.. sampai sepuluh ringgit?? Aku dok ingat lima ringgit ja td. Gila. Nak galak orang mai, orang galak yang mai." (Kami la yang galak tu)

The parking lot was quite horrible. Tanah tak rata dan berbatu-batu.

“Rosak roda aku aih. Tudia ‘roda’. Macam aku bawak keta lembu pulak,” aku membebel sambil mata meliar cari spot yang best.

Lepas ja aku park keta, aku kata kat Azy, "Alhamdulillah.. spot baik punya dapat. Dekat sikit nak bejalan masuk."

"Spot beik la depan sampah!" Azy menjawab sambil tunjuk ke arah sampah sarap di depan keta aku.
Ahh.. lantak la. Bukan nak kena angkut sampah tu tgk gig pn.

Orang semakin ramai. Kecik, besaq, tinggi, pendek, tua, muda, Bangla tak Bangla, Indon tak Indon, semua ada. Aku pegang erat lengan Azy, takot hilang.

“Kepala aku ketaq dh wei…” aku berbisik kat Azy. I always get that "ketaq kepala" effect when I get excited about something. Kena bawak berubat ni.

“Hang ni.. BAYANG dia pn tak nampak lagi dh ketaq kepala. Aku BERUBAT nnt kot,” Azy balaih. Hurm... she read my mind!

Hati aku makin berdebar. I kept on thinking what would I say if I saw him? How would I react? How did I look now?!

Kami bejalan laju tuju ke arah tepi stage yang gah berdiri. There were 2 stages and Hujan was performing on the left stage. Aku tak rasa apa, sebab aku takdak la minat sangat Hujan ni. Aku lagi minat kumpulan Halalintaq. (mesti hangpa tak penah dengaq, sebab.. kumpulan tu takdak pn).

Mata aku mula meliar cari Ahmad Izham Omar. Isk… where could he possibly be? Think Anis, think!

Tiba-tiba, Faizal Ismail dan Aidit keluar ke pentas - they were the hosts that night. Tak dapat jumpa Ahmad Izham Omar, Faizal Ismail pn jadi la. Tapi masalahnya lani, aku dok nampak Faizal tu besaq kala jengking ja. Kirim salam je la.

Not long after that, they announced that Aizat was going to perform on the stage on the right. I love Aizat! So aku and Azy pun kelam kabut jalan ke stage lagi satu. Kami punya bejalan malam tu, dengan lajunya, dengan men’cilok’nya, dengan panasnya, turun sekilo dua apa.

Aizat sang a lot of songs that I was familiar with. So I got to sing along with him, which was quite fun. Sambil menyanyi, mata bukan tengok Aizat punya performance sangat pn.. dok laaa mencari Ahmad Izham Omar. Asal nampak a guy yang pakai spek, T-shirt TV9 Gig, hati aku dh tersentap. Not him. Damn it!

Ok, I thought, I couldn’t be standing here expecting him to appear. I had to get moving. So I said to Azy while pointing at more crowded...er...crowd. “Azy, aku nak pi masuk sana sat, kot-kot la dia ada situ,”

Azy mengganguk sambil kata, “OK, aku tunggu sini. Aku usha kat sini punya. Apa-apa telepon.” Tetiba rasa mcm dok cari orang jahat pulak.

After a few minutes in the crowd... i saw someone.. and I ran straight to Azy.

"Azy!!! Mai ikut aku! Cepat!!" aku berkata dengan excitednya sambil menarik lengan Azy.

"Dia ka weih? Hang nampak dia ka?! OMG!!" Azy turut sama excited.

I pulled Azy into the crowd and pointed to this one guy and said, "Ada abg juai koci."